Does it make me a bad person?

My husband checked up on me the other night. I text message my assistant pretty much every morning with my breakfast order (my assistant is a man). I found out that my husband called his number on Saturday night. Now, it could have been an accident - press redial thing since I was using my husbands cell for a couple of days - so I am not sure if he was actually checking up on me but...
does it make me a bad person that I got a little giddy knowing he may have been a slight bit jealous or nervous?

You have to know my husband - he could walk into a bar where I was satisfying every man in there orally and basically just tell me to remember to brush before I got home - that is how NOT jealous he is. I, on the other hand, am insanely jealous - I can get pissed off when he says 'thank you' too nicely to the burger king girl!

Therefore, I am somewhat gratified that he had a moment of weakness and/or insecurity - so tell me - am I a bad person?

Not much to say

Not too much to say...I think I had a panic attack the other day - a minor one and I kind of recognized it. My heart started racing for no reason. I think I have been so stressed and nervous about Joey starting School (rightly so if you read the babies blog) that I was just overwhelmed. I am ok now -

Work is crazy - same as usual. Got a little annoyed at my boss the other day which is unusual for me - but I got over it - and I think he knew I was annoyed so he will be nice to me on Saturday when I go back to work.

I took off yesterday, today and tomorrow for Joey's first week of school - it makes me realize how much I wish I stayed at home. Don't get me wrong - I really like my job but sometimes I wish I could just stay home all day and have that be my full time occupation. I feel like I am playing catch-up all the time - catch up at home, catch-up at work - We were all so tired yesterday from the excitement - Joey fell asleep at 6:00pm, the babies were asleep by 7:00 and I was in bed by 9:00pm - my husband came home from work at 10 and the house was dark!

Since I don't have too much to say, I am going to copy my friend Jamie, and post some things I have learned....

I have learned that baby wipes take out almost any stain.

I have learned that a mother's guilt is the most powerful thing in the world.

I have learned that you can love more than one baby with you whole heart.

I have learned that you can't love more than one man that way.

I have learned that regretting the past won't make the present better.

I have learned that it is hard to remember that.

I have learned that you can never meet a person face to face and be as close as sisters.

I have learned that, despite what I believed growing up, I have one of the best families in the world.

I have learned that not all brothers and sisters love each-other like mine.

I have learned that fear can paralyze you.

I have learned that I am old fashioned after all.

I have learned that Dunkachinos are fattening - and

I have learned that I don't give a shit.

I have learned that no matter how miserable you are when you are pregnant...you still miss being pregnant.

I have learned that regardless of the number of children I may have - I will still wonder what the one I lost is like.

I have learned that things probably do happen for a reason but that knowledge doesn't make it easier to take.

I have learned that I miss my Grandmother.

I have learned that I don't like cheap wine.

I have learned that I am smart and self sufficient but sometimes I can get tired of being the reliable one.

I have learned that I am a jealous person.

I have learned that TV really is a good thing.

I have learned that bribery works.

I have learned that the Library will report your failure to return 4 books to the credit bureau.

I have learned that taking the first step is hard and taking the second is sometimes harder.

I have learned that macaroni salad, if not cleaned up properly, will stain a carpet forever.

I have learned that I like being in charge.


OK - enough for now - Hope everyone is doing well.

Jenn

Well Hello,

Hello everyone! I am not going to even apologize for being a slacker - you all know I am and hopefully you all forgive me for it.

So...what has been going on - abso fucking lutely nothing.

I am getting Joey ready for school - which starts on Wednesday. I have finally gotten him on a really good schedule - he is in bed sleeping every night by 8:30. That is a major feat because my kid definately is a night person.

I have adjusted my work schedule starting the week of the 11th. I will be working 4 days from 9:30 to 3:00 - that way I can get Joey on the bus and get him off - it will almost be like he has a stay at home mom - imagine that. I will still have to work Saturdays but it should be ok - my only concern is that it cuts a day out of my time with the babies - which still seems so limited. I will see how it works out.

I had dinner at my boss' house the other night - I got totally tanked on red wine - I don't know what kind it was - all I know is it was good!!!! LOL

September 11th is coming up - I can't believe it will already be 5 years since that day. This will be the first year since it happened that I will be working - I usually take the day off. Thank God that I didn't know anyone that was killed that day but for some reason it totally shook me to the core.

I was born in a generation that really hasn't had to deal with too many dramas. The terrorist attacks that took place in the 70's - I really don't recall since I was so young. The only war we ever had to deal with was the Gulf War and that was over in a matter of minutes - I think my generation before 9/11 had the sense that we were untouchable and that all changed on that day. The realization that people (and I know this sounds so naive) REALLY hated us. What sticks out in my mind is how people in other countries were dancing in the streets when that happened.
When people said that we deserved it. That scares me. I am so historically ignorant that I didn't understand that SO many people hate us.

I watched a documentary on Discovery Channel the other night about the flight that hit the 2nd tower. About the people on that plane. There was a family on that plane - a husband, wife and 2 year old baby and I think - Why did someone hate them? What did that baby do to deserve her fate? I still have no answers and if I think too hard about it I start questioning everything.

I was 7 months pregnant when this happened. I can remember watching the TV, holding my stomach and wondering what kind of world I was bringing my son into.

I know I am a big baby, and it is probably symptomatic of the country, but I HATE to watch anything on that day. I just can't take it. I get afraid and confused all over again. HOw pathetic am I?

I don't know why I am rambling about this. Just going off on tangents as usual.

I hope everyone is doing well - I think about everyone - even if I don't post. Have a good holiday weekend.