The results are in.......

Ok - so I spoke to the doctor:

Volume - Normal
Count - Normal
Viability - 60% - very good (recommended is 50%)
Motility - 45% - slightly low (recommended is 45%)
Morphology- 13% - Low (recommended is 25%)

The nurse practitioner really couldn't tell me anything specific - but she said that none of these numbers were particularly bad - the motility is nothing to worry about since it is right there. The shape (morphology) may not even be a cause for concern since his volume and count are normal - 20,000,000 sperm x 13% normal = 2.6million normal sperm per (well, whatever, insert word here).

She gave me the number of a specialist (I think he is a urologist - but can't be certain) to contact that can interpret these numbers better for us.

I have been doing some research and I cannot find anything that gives a solution to morph problems. (Quite frankly, I don't think it is a big problem since I have been pregnant twice). I asked Nurse Zippy if the morph could be the reason for my miscarriage (a abnormal shaped sperm happened to get in) and she said there was no way to tell.

So....I have to call the insurance company to see who needs to give the referral for Dr. Penis expert.

I am hoping that b/c of the HSG test that my pathways are clear and I get pregnant this month - but you all know that is my hopes right!

The saga continues..............

Waiting

Ok, so as the day has worn on I am feeling bluer and bluer (is that a word)? I don't know what is going on with my head - but oh well - I am sure Iwill get over it. Right now I am waiting for my doctor to call me back with the results of my husbands' analysis. I called this morning and they told me to call back this afternoon - when I called she said that it should have been in but it isn't so they will need to call the Lab and would call me back. That was almost an hour ago. I hate waiting - I must be the most impatient person I know.

I am tired too - Joey didn't sleep very long this afternoon and it is 4:00 now anyway so I have to figure out what to make for dinner - I think I am going to lazy my way out of it and make a pizza - I just don't feel that adventurous!

God I am tired. I had to be at work today at 7 and I haven't been sleeping that great so I fel tired alot. So basically the cycle is that I am tired all day and don't get as much as I want to get done during the day and then I am up half the night thinking about what I have to do. Vicious cycle.

Well, if I get results I will let you know.

Not much to report

Well, there isn't much going on here. I am on cycle day 12 - still only one bar on the monitor and nothing new to report. I did not get the results of Joe's test - I called but the office was closed - better that way anyway - in case something was wrong - at least I didn't have my weekend ruined.

I had dinner with a good friend of mine on Friday night - we sat in the restaurant for 3 hours - we are going to get blacklisted from Italian restaurants - because we do that all the time. Last month we were getting stared at by the staff because we were there so long!

Lesley goes for her doctor's appointment today - I hope everything goes well and they can give her a clue as to what is going on.

Ally - I am still holding out hope girl!

Well, I need to go now and finish cleaning before the baby gets up from his nap. Have a good one!

OK - so his swimmers are at the lab!

Well, they are there - at 8:55am this morning I dropped off the boys to find out if they can drive and read a map! Noone at the hospital was even the least bit surprised that the wife was dropping off the kids - I guess it is a normal occurance. The woman at the lab said they may have results by the afternoon- but the latest the doctor will have them is Monday or Tuesday - so here is my plan of action:

- If the swimmers are olympic quality - I am going to postpone the dr. appointment for one week - my current appointment will fall about 3 or 4 days after I ovulate - too early for a positive test. So I will wait a week when the possibility of a positive is more likely.

- If the swimmers are still hanging out in the kiddie pool I will go to the appointment as scheduled since the likelihood that I am pregnant will be pretty slim.

I really don't think he is the issue though - since he has already gotten me pregnant.

I am resisting the urge to call now - It is only 1:26pm so I know it is way too early, but I am hoping nonetheless.

OK - well, Joey is across the street playing with his cousin so I have to get some cleaning done before he gets back.

If I get results I will write more later.

Tomorrow

Ok - It is late - just wanted to post a quick hello. Absolutely no cramps today and only VERY MINOR spotting - I repeat - do not be afraid of the HSG test!

Tomorrow is my husband's test - He bought 3 speciman containers - very sure of himself I guess!! haha

I have to bring the sampe to the andrology lab at 8:30am tomorrow morning! Should be very interesting.

As you can imagine- I willnot be posting a play-by-play of that test - that would be WAY TOO MUCH INformation.

I will post more tomorrow.

Picture of Normal HSG - not me (in case you were wondering) 

A few details about the HSG Test

When I made the appointment for the HSG test I tried to find information on what I was about to go through. While I found alot of technical information - I never really found what to expect - I found alot of items about the Worst Case Scenarios but not the other side (Apparently only the worst case is interesting enough to worry about). I posted at the Pregnancy Weekly board and didn't get that many responses. This post is for the women that are about to get this test done and are scared of what the hell they are in for.

First and foremost - don't read all of the horror stories - they will only serve to give you nervous sleepless night and cold sweats!

OK - so here is my day:

I got up two hours early - I was going to be on time - I wanted to get it over with. (Oh - and I had to make sure the my husband and I fooled around - his test is on Friday and he needed to have "released himself" between 2 and 7 days before the test - well AF was here last week so that wasn't going to happen. Our deadline was 8:15 this morning - we completed the task with 2 minutes to spare!!! - TTC sucks!)

OK - so needless to say - I was late - I left my house at 9:23 - to be at the hospital at 9:30 - didn't happen. The whole way there I was rattling on and on - I was so nervous and scared of what was going to happen. At one point - I stopped in mid-sentence and said to my husband "Can you tell I am nervous?" He just smiled and pet my hair.

So we finally get to the hospital at 9:55am - go right into registration - she takes my name, address, social security number, rights to my first born, etc. - took all of 5 minutes - Miss Give me all your info tells me how to get to radiology "Did they say you are going to radiology"? Me: "I think so - there was a big argument about who was my designated radiologist - so I think so" Miss INfo: "Ok - take the elevator to the ground floor - follow the signs"

Enter Radiology - hand off my chart - chew my nails - starting shaking "is it cold in here" No, it is just me.

Jennifer? Yes that is me - Can my husband come with me? He can? good.

OK - get undressed from teh waist down put the robe down and come into the radiology room.

I walk into the room and there on a table are all of the shiny little instruments they will be inserting into me in a few seconds. My husband slowly looks at the instruments - He gets pale.

Miss Radiology Assistant: "Ok, hop up on the table - did your doctor explain what is going to happen" Me: "so so - not really"

Miss Assistant: "OK - we will be inserting this catheter through your cervix and into you uterus - we will then inflate a balloon and inject an iodine based solution while we take an x-ray. You may be uncomfortable or feel some minor cramping - much like a menstrual cramp"

Me: "Ok, sounds ok I guess"

Miss A: Your husband will need to leave the room - just outside the curtain during the procedure. (I start shivering - OK seriously - do you mean it is not cold in here - come on?) "Do you have any socks" well, as a matter of fact I do - babe they are in my pocketbook. Joey gets the socks and puts them on my feet.

OK, well I will get the doctor now - did you take any advil? Did I? Yes, I took four about 45 minutes ago! "Ok, so you are all set!"

In walks Doctor Iodine "Hi, I am doctor iodine, I am going to.....(same speech as Miss Assistant).

OK - so let's begin - Scoot down, lower, lower, little lower (Jesus, I am about to fall off of the table) OK that's good. I am going to insert the speculum now (ok, but usually I make someone buy me dinner before I let them 'insert the speculum') OK, little pressure, I am now going to clean your cervix with betadine (couldn't feel it).

OK - now I am inserting the catheter (Me: whimper - breathe slight pain).

Miss A: are you ok? You look nervous (Me: I am scared out of my mind but I am ok)

Doctor Iodine: OK - now I am going to blow up the balloon (another breath intake - very uncomfortable, borders on pain - but not quite)

Miss A: OK that was the worst part

Doctor Iodine: OK- you need to adjust the machine - Jenn you need to straighten out your legs a little bit (followed by a few minutes of adjustments)
OK - now I am inserting the iodine solution.
Now I am deflating the balloon.
Now I am extracting the cathetar

Miss A: You are all done - that was it (

That was it? Where was the intense pain - where was the screaming and unbearable cramps I read about?

Doctor Iodine: The test came out as good as we hoped - no blockages, no apparent uterine abnormalities - you did great - you can get dressed.

That was it - basically as long as it took to read this was as long as the procedure took - the prep and registration took longer than the test. From the "scoot lower" to the "you are all done" took about 5 minutes.

So - Friday is Joe's Test and then we go on Valentine's day for results and a plan of action moving forward.

My disclaimer is that I have read that if there were major blockages there can be a bit more pain because the solution has nowhere to go but my experience was fine - no real pain - the pain was like a menstrual cramp - and not even a really bad one.

If you are reading this - please stop worrying - it is not so bad - I wish I had someone to tell me the exact procedure and what to expect - Hope this helps someone.

Above is a picture of a Normal HSG

My pipes are Clean!!!

Well, I got the HSG done today - not as bad as the horror stories I have been reading about. It is a little crampy but way worse than my normal period - the worst part is when they blow up the cathetar! The anticipation was 1000 times worse than the reality.

Joe came with me which made everything that much better - he steadies me. I also took 4 Advil before I left!!

Long story short (too late) my tubes are perfectly clear and uterus is normal. The only thing with my uterus is that it is inverted - which I have known pretty much all my life - so it is not a big deal - the doctor describes it like being left handed -

Soo... Next comes the Analysis on Joe (Friday) and then we will see what my doctor says on Feb. 14th. We should be going on Clomid on next cycle. I will be ovulating around the 9th or 10th (if my cycle is 36 days).

Hope everyone is doing good - Ally - thanks for the pep talk last night!


Talk to you soon.

Quick One

This will be quick, as I am at work right now. I didn't have much to say yesterday - so sorry for the cut and paste from Preconception.com. I am tired today - didn't get much sleep last night.

My doctor called and I asked him if I will be given a prescription for antibiotics - he told me that there isn't any hard data that supports the need for that - it is controversial. Whatever.

He told me to take 3 motrin about 1/2 before the procedure - I asked him if I could take a muscle relaxer - Doc: "Well then someone will need to drive you because you will be drowsy and can't drive - so I can't really tell you to take one". Dude seriously - you are so overtly concerned with liability - I just wanted to know if I took one would I end up dead on the table? Answer the question!

I have a follow up appointment on Valentine's day but I have to call the Friday before that to make sure the results of both tests were in.

Oh and I got the authorization number for my husbands' analysis - which is good because the test would have cost $190 if Vytra decided not to cover it.

I am very low today - very depressed about tomorrow's procedure but I will get over it.

Hey Lesley - thanks for the reading!
Ally - throw that god damn machine out!

Info on Clomid

Clomiphene citrate (Clomid, Serophene) is the most commonly used medication for women with impaired fertility. It is relatively inexpensive, is taken orally, and it works by inducing the pituitary gland to produce increased amounts of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). In essence, clomiphene "fools" the pituitary into thinking that the ovaries are not producing any estradiol by blocking the effect of estradiol on the gland. In other words, although there may still be plenty of estradiol around, the pituitary does not think so because it can't "see" it. The gland responds to this "apparently low estradiol level" by increasing the production of FSH, which in turn increases the stimulation to the ovary. In response to higher levels of FSH, the ovary becomes more likely to produce a mature egg.

Clomiphene is most useful in women with irregular, or even absent, ovulation. It is typically given for five days beginning on either day four or day five of the cycle. The lowest dose of clomiphene is 50 mg., or one tablet. This should almost always be the starting dose. The response to clomiphene can be monitored with temperature charts (BBT), ultrasounds, and/or progesterone levels. At the lower doses (50 or 100 mg. per day), simple recording of a BBT and a progesterone level in the mid-luteal phase are probably adequate. At higher doses (some physicians will use doses of up to 250 mg.), ultrasounds should be performed and HCG given if the follicle(s) has (have) reached mature size. HCG functions as a signal to the follicle, just as LH does, that it is time to release the egg, or ovulate.

Clomiphene is associated with a fair number of side effects. A small percentage of women will experience mild headaches, bloating, hot flushes, or visual symptoms (you should notify your physician if you experience visual effects). A rather large percentage of couples report that the use of clomiphene results in some emotional instability. If you are taking clomiphene and find that your emotions are a little hard to control, especially in the second half of the cycle, blame it on the clomiphene.
There are no known risks to the fetus or adverse effects on the infant should conception occur. Ovarian cysts may occur in some individuals on clomiphene, but if no additional clomiphene is given, the cysts will almost always resolve on their own. For this reason a pelvic exam or an ultrasound should be performed in-between cycles of clomiphene to be sure that the ovaries have returned to normal before more clomiphene is taken. There is some increase in the risk of multiple pregnancies with clomiphene. Women who conceive have about a seven percent chance of having twins. The risk of triplets, quadruplets, etc. is not really increased.

There are several important points to make about clomiphene:
Either a dose works, or it doesn't. If taking 50 mg. a day does not result in normalization of ovulation (and therefore your cycle) one month, there is no point in trying that dose again. The dose needs to be increased the next month.


More is worse, not better. Once the dose that normalizes the cycle and results in good ovulation and progesterone production is determined, there is no point in increasing the dose further. In fact, increasing the dose further may actually make it harder or even impossible to get pregnant. Remember - clomiphene functions by preventing the pituitary from "seeing" the estradiol that is present. It does the same thing to the cells that produce the cervical mucus and to the cells that line the uterus- if they don't "see" the estradiol, the cells of the cervix won't produce cervical mucus, and the cells lining the uterus won't develop to an extent adequate to allow implantation. Everyone has a threshold dose of clomiphene (the dose that normalizes ovulation)- and going beyond that dose does more harm than good.


Clomiphene is an anti-estrogen. This means that it does indeed prevent some cells from "seeing" the estradiol and because of this blocks the action of estradiol on those cells. The possibility of this type of effect needs to be checked once the threshold dose is achieved. This should include a post-coital test to be sure that there is adequate cervical mucus production, and a measurement of the thickness of the endometrium by ultrasound to be sure that it is developing to an adequate thickness. Normal endometrium develops to about ten millimeters in thickness - an endometrial thickness of seven millimeters or less is associated with very poor pregnancy rates. This is often a problem at some of the higher doses of clomiphene - although it results in ovulation, there is enough of an anti-estrogen effect on the cervical mucus or endometrium to prevent pregnancy from occurring even though ovulation is normalized.


The vast majority of the pregnancies that occur as a result of the use of clomiphene occur within the first four ovulatory cycles. Once the threshold dose is achieved, there is really little point in pursuing the use of clomiphene beyond four, or certainly six, cycles at the most. (The chances of conceiving in a cycle of clomiphene beyond the fourth may be as low as three to four percent, and those chances decrease even further soon thereafter.) There is another reason for limiting the number of cycles of clomiphene. There is at least one study suggesting that the use of clomiphene for more than a year is associated with an increase in the risk of ovarian cancer.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, there is no role for clomiphene in a woman with regular ovulatory cycles. There is absolutely no good evidence that clomiphene improves pregnancy rates in women with normal cycles. It is not a "fertility enhancer" and in fact, because of its anti-estrogen properties, it can actually make it harder to get pregnant rather than easier.

It is official - I am a shit heal

OK - so I just went back over to the PW board and that poor woman who I went off on (even though I tried not to) deleted her post and apologized. I am definately a bitch - no doubt about it - this ttc crap is eating me alive! Right away I am a big fucking bitch. Well, watch out if I have to go on Clomid - I heard it makes you an emotional mess!

I am going to web md to print something out on side effects of Clomid so my husband can prepare - the poor guy.

Talk to everyone soon.

Snow Storm 2005

Well, we have made it through "Snow Storm 2005" as News12 is calling it. We got about 24 inches of snow here - as you can see from the pictures I posted below. Joey had a good time helping Daddy shovel and throwing the snow. I had to fight with him to come in but his little cheeks and nose were bright red!

I have just come from the Pregnancy Weekly board and am a little depressed. A woman posted asking how she could decide whether or not to have another baby because sometimes she "wants one so bad" and other times she "can't imagine taking care of another one!" She also said that she could "easily get pregnant with another girl but she wants to give her husband a son". I tried to respond as nicely as I could but I wanted to scream "Fuck you - you can get pregnant so easily - big fucking deal for you. And what is the deal that you are asking a pregnancy board whether you should have another baby - isn't that something that you should decide BEFORE you visit the 'actively trying to conceive' board. See, it is stupid posts like that which reiterates WHY we need an "over 1 year" board. I know the woman did not mean any harm but I tell ya - I wanted to harm her. I hope I wasn't too bitchy with her - you know what - no I don't I honestly don't care if I was bitchy!

OK - obviously I am getting cabin fever or something with this snow - I am turning into a real bitch. OK so .........Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was asalted!

That's better. Hope to talk to everyone later.

"Ch Ch Ch Cheese!" 

Say cheese! 

"I'm gonna get Daddy with this big snowball!" 

"I'll shovel for you Mommy!" 

It's COLD! 

Out front - I thought there was a truck here somewhere? 

Footprints 

Out in the backyard 

The only poem I can recite

Stopping by Woods on Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.



I posted some pictures below so you can see what it is looking like here in NY - we are in the middle of a pretty big storm and they are predicting about 22 inches!!! I went to Sam's club this afternoon and filled up on supplies. We are all set for a weekend in the house.

I don't have much to talk about on the ttc front - I am on cd3 so not much to tell.

I hope to talk to everyone soon.

The woods are lovely dark and deep 

The only thing you will get out of this pump today is Ice! 

No birds eating here today! 

My Poor Jeep! 

Outside my front gate 

some more 

What it looks like outside 

I am not thinking about babies

Today, even though I had a conversation about trying to conceive with Jenna, even though I tried (and hopefully succeeded) in trying to cheer Allie up from the ttc blues, even though I was on the phone with my insurance company for an hour determining whether I need a referral for the HSG (I don't) and the Semen Analysis (I do) - I just realized that right at this moment I am not thinking about babies.

This is a big step for me - as I feel like I am slowly becoming obsessed with trying to get pregnant again. I am surfing the net for things that are NOT related with trying to conceive - I am playing with my son, I baked cookies and made dinner for my family - the family that I have - not the family that I fantasize about. I realize that I am getting tired of this - I am getting tired of another child consuming my every move - it is the first thing I must think about in the morning since I have to take my temperature - it is the last thing I think about at night because I have to make sure the thermometer is by my bed.

I am tired of this - I am tired of the testing - I am tired of peeing on sticks and licking microscopes. I am tired of the two weeks of hell after I ovulate. I am tired of telling my husband that we "have" to do it tonight. I am finally being proactive and getting the HSG done and going on the Clomid and all I feel right now is ambivalence. I know testing is the right thing to do but it seems like once I start the testing then I will be even more stressed than before because with each new step you take that is one less option you have if it doesn't work - is that a horribly pessimistic thing to say? I am on cycle day 3 so I am sure I have some left-over PMS that is at work here but I am so ready to cancel the appointment on Wednesday and just say "fuck it"!

I am worried about what the sperm analysis will say - if something is wrong how will my husband feel? Will he feel like less of a man? Will I be angry if something is up with him? Will he be angry with me if I have a problem? All of the "what ifs" have driven me to the point where I don't care anymore and I hate feeling that way. I hate that trying to get pregnant isn't this exciting wonderful time that it should be. I am becoming resentful of every pregnant woman I see and I hate that as well - why should I begrudge another woman having a baby because I can't?

Well, it is time for me to shut down this computer - Joey wants to play with his globe and I want to play with him! I am tired and I have to be up early for work tomorrow unfortunately. I have to make sure I am on time because we are supposed to be getting a huge snow storm tomorrow so I may have to leave early.

It is 8:30 here which means it is 7:30 by Ally and around noon by Lesley - I was hoping I would catch you guys online - sorry I missed you. I will talk to you all tomorrow.

Bye

CD 3

I am on Cycle Day 3 - therefore nothing interesting going on. I am home from work today which is a good thing - I am getting so tired of the daily grind - I really am.
Joey is sitting in the kitchen sink with his rubber duckies after an unfortunate incident with some poop. Not fun!

5 days and counting until the test - I am a little nervous but felt better after reading some of the posts.

I am on the phone right now with the insurance company - I am getting such a runaround with these tests. I know they are covered but I still need to get a referral for some reason - this is so annoying I can't take it!!!......OK - just got off the phone - I don't need a referral but my husband does!! This is so annoying!!!!!

Well, this seems to be an everyday occurence but I don'thave much to say right now! I will write more later.

Oops! 

My boo boo hurts! 

I am outta here 

Where are you running to? 

Get this snow off my mittens 

Making Snow Angels 

Are you talking to Me? 

Hello

OK - here I am today - looking obsessively online for information on the HSG test that I am taking next week. I am also starting at the prescription for my husbands semen analysis - and trying to figure out when we will be able to get that done. I have to call up and make an appointment - which I am not looking forward to at all!! I am also not looking forward to breaking the news to him that we have a definate date - He knows in theory that this has to be done - but well, the theory and the actual doing it are two different things!

OK - so I am going to call now......They need to call me back.

This is crazy - I never believed I would have to go through all of this crap. I am getting tired of it all!!!!

I will be ok though - I always am - just a little crampy and moody I guess. I am waiting for my husband to come home with my dunkachino! I am having withdrawals (Sorry Ally).

Today was Joey's last Mommy and Me class. He did so well!!! He did all the singing and dancing - I was very proud of him. I have to sign him up for preschool soon - before the end of this month. I am not looking forward to it at all! He is getting so big!

OK - so that is it for now -not much of any interest!

Hey - Finally the first voice blog posted

That was weird!!!

The first audio blog that posted was the second one I did. The second one that posted was the first one I recorded. Oh well, I will keep both on (in the most recently posted audio Joey says Lesleys name clearer than the older post).

Talk to you guys soon.

AF has Arrived

Yup - AF has arrived, right on schedule!! One day after big temp drop!! I am on the phone with the hospital now making an appointment for HSG. This sucks!

Later this morning.....

OK the hospital just called back - my appointment is on Wed. morning at 9:30 am. I am very nervous but trying to put it out of my mind. Hopefully all will be ok and doc will give me the Clomid.

I am doing ok though - that is the one good thing about charting your temp. Once you see it drop you know AF is coming so you have some time (I usually have 24 hours) to prepare yourself. That way when you see the bitch you have already dealt with it. There were actually no tears this month - no "Why Me?'s". I will move forward with the testing and hope for the best.

Ally, I hope you had a good day today - you lucky thing you!!

Lesley - Thanks for the words of encouragement on your blog - you are awesome!

Talk to you soon.
Jenn

CD 39 of 39

OK - so here I am at cd 39 of 39 - no AF to speak of. My temperature did drop about 1/2 degree but I am still over my coverline about .3 degrees. Last month my temp dropped below coverline on day 14 and I got AF on day 15 (after ovulation). Sooo, If my temp is still up tomorrow above coverline, I will get buy more of those damn sticks and test on Wednesday.

My boobs still hurt like my husband has been using them as punching bags!! That is it though. Actually a little while ago I started feeling just a little bit crampy - which is probably an indication of AF coming.

I am not getting too optimistic - as Ally said this morning - two letdowns in one month is just too much.

My son did not go to sleep until midnight last night!! He fell asleep at 3pm and didn't wake up until 5 - so he was wide awake all night!!!! Damn late naps!!

Well, I am writing this at work - just wanted to give a quick update - I will write more later.

OK -so maybe I am a moody psycho

When I was pregnant with Joey 


OK - so maybe I am a moody, emotional psycho. Maybe I am suffering from a classic case of PMS. Hell, maybe I am having a nervous breakdown. But I am sitting here mourning a pregnancy that I may never have instead of thanking God that I was able to experience it just once. I know what it is like to have a baby growing inside of me, to feel the first movement and hear the heartbeat for the first time.

I know what it is like to tell my husband that I am pregnant, what it is like to hold my baby in my arms moments after he was brought into this world. I know what it is like to feed, clothe, bathe, diaper, kiss, hug and love my own child. Do I want another one - of course - but look what an amazing thing I have already been blessed with. Look how lucky I am already when there are so many women who can't even have one.

So this is to God:
Dear God,
Thank you so much for my family. For my wonderful husband, with all of his faults and idiosynchracies (sp?). Thank you for my son - the most amazing little boy I feel was put on this earth.
I admit I will still ask you for another child - but if it is not in the plan for me to have another - thank you so much for what you have already given me. Watching this little boy grow has been the most amazing humbling heartbreaking experience of my life. Thank you for my little miracle.
Amen

To Ally and Lesley: Thank you guys so much for being there for me and for understanding what I have been going through. Thank you for making me laugh and not laughing at me. While this whole trying to conceive stuff sucks - I am so glad that I met the two of you.

To my husband: Thank you for not divorcing your crazy, temp taking, stick peeing, baby obsessed wife - you are an amazing man. NO matter what happens in our life, you will be mine forever - so get used to it!