Here I am

Here I am, cd 29 and the doubt is starting to set in. The questioning of the feelings -

"Do my boobs hurt?" (yeah they hurt - you are poking them every ten minutes - they are bruised stupid)

"I am cramping, could it be implantation cramping? Am I getting my period? Do I have some strange abdominal cramping disease thingy" (probably not, probably, doubt it highly)

"Do I feel any different - do I 'just know' I am pregnant?" (Nope and Nope)

I told Lesley and Ally that I was going to be totally optimistic - I was going to fantasize about baby clothes, new cribs, a moses basket (aaawwww), onesies, sleepers, that baby smell - but truth be known - I am back to the pessimistic "chances are you aren't" mood - I am so trying to break this habit but so many BFN and you tend to expect what you are used to.

I am trying to keep my chin up - but I cramped this time last month and wasn't pregnant so I am thinking no - ha ha Jenn, you will need to go get iodine shot up into God knows Where next month.

I tried to ask God for a sign - I am such an information age junkie that I emailed him (you can you know the email address is: God@deargod.com , I am sure there is someone laughing their butt off at all of the prayers that come in - but I am not good at praying - but I am a damn good typist. I find that I can free-flow on the keyboard much better than with my mouth. Still waiting for the sign - or at least waiting to recognize one!!!!! The sign probably is no sign.

Ally and Lesley got a reading last night from Stacia - she told both of them that they will be having babies soon. Ally said she would set up an introduction but I feel kind of weird saying "Hi, my name is Jennifer - am I pregnant - will I be soon???" When I don'teven know her really. Well, maybe she will take pity on a poor desperate soul! Or at least tell me "Give it up lady, it aint gonna happen"

OK, definately in a mood....

On a better note - my son is absolutely the best!! One of our clients today gave me an outfit for Joe - and at first I wasn't sure about it - it is definately unconventional - it is a cream colored thermal shirt with flannel pants that have pinecones on them - I know - just like it sounds (kind of like - What the hell???) But he is walking around in these things and he looks absolutely adorable!!!!! (Just don't tell my brother PJ who was appalled that I was going to put him in the pants!)

The Pregnancy Weekly Board is still down - this site better be awesome for the amount of time it is taking them to get it back up!! It is so annoying!!!

Well, I am going to see if anyone is on - I doubt Lesley will be - It is 10am where she is - Ally might be on though.

I will write more tomorrow (uuugggghhhh I have to go buy a new washer and dryer tomorrow - not looking forward to it - Thank God for 15 months interest free financing!!!)