CD40

THE FUCKING BITCH HAS ARRIVED.

cd39

CD 39
13dpo
Monitor:Low
Mood: Even Lower
Temp. Major dip - .1 degree above coverline - I will get another big drop tomorrow and AF will be here at the latest Monday
Can't stand mean spirited people who run there mouth just to hear themselves speak
Had to buy a baby shower gift yesterday
Done talking for today

AAAUUUGGGHHH!

CD 38
12 dpo
AF due in 3 Days
BFN
Totally pissed off
That's it

Hello everyone!

Well on the ttc front - things are pretty much status quo. I am 11dpo and 4 days till AF is due - tested this morning - BFN - not surprised - pissed but not surprised.

About the Hives:

Basically, after Internet self diagnosis, I have determined that I have Cold Urticaria - which is basically an allergic reaction to the cold. DH and I have been talking and we pretty much realized that this has been going on for over a year. Since I don't spend much time out in the cold, and hardly ever go swimming - it wasn't really noticeable (sp?) until now. We did realize that anytime I go swimming in a pool or the ocean, I totally break out in hives - I have always attributed it to the chlorine or salt water - turns out it isn't that at all.
Also, when I do the dishes, if the hot water starts running out - my hands break out in hives.
So, when I was in the City last Friday and I was out in the cold for a LONG period of time (we walked from Penn to 44th street) I got a really bad noticable reaction. Last night I was outside cleaning out my car - same thing happened so I looked up "Cold Induced Hives" on the internet and this is what I found.

Basically if you go to an allergist they give you an ice test. They place an ice cube on your arm for 4 minutes then observe the area for 2 minutes afterwards. If it looks like this than you have Cold Urticaria.

Of course I did the test myself and two minutes later - Big Huge Hive on my arm - so that is enough for me. They treat you with antihistimines (sp?) but since I do not want to be on anything while TTC - I am not going to the doctor (much to the annoyance of my mother).

In other news:

I went shopping for my nieces' Sweet 16 dress today. Here is the dress we found::::





(My niece is Way Cuter) The picture doesn't do the dress justice, the beading is all sparkly - she looks like a little princess!!!!!

That is pretty much it - I will let you all know when I get another BFN tomorrow morning. I am supposed to work at 7am tomorrow - but we are in the middle of a snow storm so I don't know what is going to happen.

Hope everyone doing well.

Children's and Pregnancy Books

Here are some good pregnancy/children's books that I like:

Pregnancy:

What to expect when expecting Heidi Murkoff
What to expect when expecting Pregnancy Organizer (taken)
Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy (taken)
My boys can Swim -The official Guys Guide to Pregnancy by Ian Davis
The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy - Vickie Iovine
Your Pregnancy Week by Week - Glade Curtis
The Mother of All Pregnancy Books - Ann Douglas
What to name your baby from Adolph to Zsa Zsa (taken)

Children's Books:

Guess how much I love you? - Sam McBratney
The Runaway Bunny - Margaret Wise Brown
Brown Bear Brown Bear What do you see (or any Eric Carle)
Morning Song (Taken)
Corduroy (taken)
Love you Forever - Robert Munsch
Everybody Poops (taken)
Anything Dr. Seuss - particularly Green Eggs and Ham, Cat in the Hat, Yertle the Turtle, The Lorax, Oh the places you will go (taken)
Baby Einstein Dog Book (taken)
Don't let the pigeon drive the Bus - Mo Willems
Goodnight Moon - Margaret Wise Brown
Where the Wild Things Are - Maurice Sendak
The Giving Tree - Shel Silverstein (taken)
Falling Up - Shel Silverstein (taken)
Stellaluna - Janell Cannon
If you give a Mouse a Cookie (or Moose a Muffin or Pig a Pancake) - Laura Joffe Numeroff
Any of the Classics: Rumplestilskin, Hansel and Gretyl, Three Little Pigs (taken), the three bears (taken) - there are some beautiful classic books being printed now.
The true story of the Three Little Pigs (three little pigs from the wolf's perspective) by Jon Scieszka
Pat the Bunny - Dorothy Kunhardt
Velveteen Rabbit (taken)


Just some suggestions.

CD 35

OK - we are getting to the home stretch here!

cd 35
9dpo
Monitor: didn't even bother turning it on this morning
mood: still kind of gloomy but climbing my way back
phantom symptoms: boobs still hurt, cramping a little today, being a TOTAL Bitch!

Don't have much to report today - I totally screwed around at work today taking care of personal bullshit - I have no idea what I am putting down on my times sheet - I did maybe 5.5 hours of work for the 8 hour day. I will need to extend my day on Friday to make up for the hours! Oh well, at least I am off for the next two days.

I have to take my niece shopping for her Sweet 16 dress - she wants to go to David's Bridal - apparently Sweet 16's are even bigger now then when I was in school - She is the last little girl in my family - after she was born it was All boys afterwards - 7 to be exact. We are all predicting that my "man's man" of a brother will be the ones to have all girls!!!!!

I am also going to dinner with a good friend of mine (we are trying to go every month) next Friday - we are going to this really good Italian Place - I love Italian - so I am looking forward to that - which means I will definately have to test by Friday since we usually polish off a bottle of wine between us!!!

That is is for now - I hope everyone is doing ok.

cd 34 - 6 more days to go until I completely give up hope

OK - one more time stats:

cd 34
8dpo
monitor: low
phantom symptoms: boobs hurt - no more no less than last month
mood: impossibly low
temp: 97.8 about 45 minutes before I was supposed to be up - so at normal waking it would have been about 97.95

I have been in such a mood the past few days - I don't know if it is because I don't feel well (sore throat, headache and those damn hives) or if I am PMSing bad this month or what - all I know is that for the past two days I have woken (is that right? it doesn't look right) up in such a pissy mood. Yesterday morning I actually left my house because I knew that I was going to be a bitch to my husband for something that normally rolls off my back - like sitting around until 1pm on Sunday, or not cleaning his dishes or whatever. He asked me if it was him and I told him the truth "No, I am just in such a miserable mood that I know I am going to be a bitch to you - so I am trying to avoid that."

We fought this morning over something impossibly stupid because of my mood and I wish I would just get out of this funk already. I don't know if I am upset about knowing I am probably not pregnant this month and the thought of seeing all those specialists is driving me a little nuts (not to mention that Vytra still hasn't gotten back to me about my benefits) or what - But I AM TOTALLY GOING CRAZY LATELY!

When I am at work - I think about all the things I need to do at home (fyi - I am writing this at work) and when I am home - I am thinking about everything that I should have done at work! It is like a vicious cycle that I can't get out of - Maybe I should start going to Yoga or something - except that I would probably stress about how to fit that into my schedule!

OK - sorry - I am usually more upbeat but today I just don't have the energy!!

Jess: Way to go on the EWCM!
Jaime: Still Holding out Hope for you!
Lesley: Ditto for you girl, and where have you been - I miss you!
Ally: Give a rub to the triplets!!
Jenna: Stop reading this and get some homework done!!!

Talk to everyone later!

Zippy G.

CD 32

CD 32
6dpo
monitor: low
mood: tired
Temp. major dip - below coverline - just like last two non-pregnant months
phantom symptoms - boobs hurt a little and cramping- just like last two non-pregnant months


OK - so Phantom of the Opera was AWESOME! of course - the voices of the people on Broadway are incredible - I wish we all went together.

Something weird happened to me though - As soon as I came out of Penn Station I broke out in hives all over my face and legs - I looked like a prize fighter - once I went indoors it went away - only to return the next time I went outside. This happened 3 times and today my face is still puffy.

I know I should go to the doctor - but it is Saturday and the office is not open - and I have to work all day - If I am still swollen on Monday I will try to make an appointment.

Hope is dwindling for this cycle for me - I got a huge temp dip below the coverline today - normally - that would make someone excited right? Implantation Dip perhaps? But no - apparently I get this dip EVERY month at 6dpo - check out my Chart and you can see I am not just being pessimistic.

I am getting really frustrated - I don't want to go for the IUI - I don't want my husband to go through all of this testing - I want to get pregnant - why the hell can't I get pregnant???? My son has been talking about having a brother or sister lately. (His cousin has a little brother and now he wants one). It is so hard to explain to him "maybe someday" and it upsets me that I just can't give him what he wants - what we all want.

OK - I am going to stop now - it is going to be a long day and I don't want to dig myself deeper into this depression hole when I can't crawl under the covers and hide from the world.

I missed you guys yesterday. Hope to talk to you all soon.

Today

OK - so the lowdown:

cd 30 (despite what my ticker says)
4dpo
Monitor: Low (thank god I didn't have to pee again this morning)
Mood: Getting Anxious


I am a hypocrite - I tell Jaime not to test and I am dying to test - do as I say ladies - not as I do!!

It was a pretty good day today - I had Mommy and me with Joey - he did really well - he made a teddy bear on a stick - looks like a big piece of brown construction paper with a popsicle stuck up it's ass!

I am tired and it is late (10:45pm) so it is going to be a quick night on the world wide web tonight.

Just got finished watching ER - very good tonight - I love ER - it is always good.

Joey was funny tonight (the show not my boy) but I MISS FRIENDS!

I am going to the city tomorrow to see Phantom (this is my 2nd time) My dad got all his girls tickets for Christmas - it should be fun.

Well, that is it for me - I don't have much to say. It was a slow day today for all of us I think.

Have a good one.

This is for you Lesley from Joey........

cd 29 - 11 more days till testing

CD 29
3 dpo
Monitor: Low
Mood: ok

I think that monitor is getting greedy! This is the 3rd day in a row of "low" fertility and they are still asking me to test. I think it is a conspiracy to make you go through the whole box of tests in one month - hell my peak was 5 days ago - come on people!

Joe's birthday dinner went great last night -

Appetizer: Broccoli Rabe sauted with fresh garlic &
Platter of soppersata, fresh mozzerella, marinated mushrooms and assorted olives

Dinner: Chicken Francaise tossed with Angel hair Pasta and Broccoli with Italian Bread

Dessert: Devils Food Cake with Chocolate Fudge Icing (thank you Betty) decorated by Joey

I gave up chocolate for lent - but had a piece of cake anyway (so good!)

I had already given Joe his birthday presents (nothing big this year - just clothes, cds and stuff). Joey painted a bucket for his Daddy and we went to the dollar store and he picked out a bunch of things to put in it:

• Car Wash
• Chenille Mitt for washing the car
• WD-40
• Rags for washing the car
• deck of cards
• Sponge Bob Square Pants Air Freshener
• Toy truck (one that matched his so they could play together)
• hershey minature candies

He kept saying "Daddy is going to be so glad mom".

It was beautiful here yesterday - so warm - feels like spring is coming (Thank Goodness)

I have a cough so I sound very Demi Moore-ish today!

Well, that is it - I work half a day today so nothing else is new. Have a happy.

I've Decided

I am not going to go to any specialists or take any meds to get pregnant......I am just going to be pregnant this month if that is ok with everyone.

CD28
2dpo
fertility monitor: low
Mood: low


On another note...It is my husband's 34th birthday today. I am making him Chicken Francaise with a side of Broccoli Rabe (just for him - I can't stand the stuff). I just got finished baking his cake, which Joey will help me decorate. Tonight should be pretty good - it's all about my man.

Hope all is well.

Totally Pissed and Bummed

OK - first piece of advice - DON'T TALK TO THE NURSE PRACTITIONER AT THE GYNECOLOGISTS OFFICE - THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turns out that Joe's levels aren't considered "good" or "fine" they are borderline - they could be the reason we are having a hard time conceiving. That coupled with my long cycles and my lack of CM = No Baby!

I have to go see the Urologist for Joe and make an appointment with the Fertility Specialist. My Doc won't put me on Clomid in case I have any other issues - since he is not a specialist - he would rather I saw someone else before he prescribes the Clomid.

Of course, this is all predicated upon my insurance covering the specialists. My Gyn also mentioned that the Fertility Specialist may want to go straight to IUI - instead of trying naturally on just the Clomid.

So here I am today, no closer to a baby then I was yesterday - with a mountain of research and calls to insurance companies ahead of me.

I am pissed, upset, mad, sad - you name it - I am it.

I am done here for today - Hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day.

Happy VAlentine's Day!

So it is Valentine's Day and where am I? At work - this sucks. Where am I going later? The gynecologist - fucking yippee.

Monitor - One bar - Low
Temp. 97.2 - definate spike - definately O'd yesterday
I am tired.
I have a scratchy throat - think I am getting a cough.
Where is my assistant with my Dunkachino????????

I will write more later to let you know how DR. appt. went.

not sure what's going on?

Well.....cd26 - two bars on the monitor - 96.8 temp, had cramps last night and a little today - am I ovulating today? Fertility Friend disregarded the two high temps from the past two days since I admitted (and checked off) that I had a fever. I know I had a fever on Friday - yesterday for the first half of the day I had the chills and was achy - I am assuming I had a fever.

Here - take a look at my chart....

My Crappy Chart

So - I am going to assume that today is the temp dip and is ovulation day - I am hoping that temp goes up tomorrow - this is one day later than I o'd last month. If I O today, I will get my temp drop on the 40TH Day and AF on Day 41!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I definately think if this month did not work than Clomid or some other kind of hormone will have to be the answer.

I am a little worried that the Clomid effects your CM - I already have CM issues - but we will see what Doc says. I am hoping that he won't do the pap tomorrow - I bd this morning (I know you aren't supposed to the day before -but we danced at 7am and my appointment isn't until tomorrow at 3 - so it will be 32 hours between dance and exam). We shall see.

What else is going on? Well, since we were sick on Friday, DH did not go to work - which means he may have to go on his birthday on Tuesday - I am still taking off - Joey and I will bake a cake for him in the afternoon and I will make a special dinner - but it would have been nice to have a day together.

I work tomorrow (Happy Valentine's Day to me) - I wish I would hit lotto already - I am so sick of working.

Joe will be 34 on his next birthday - I have known him since he was 18 - my god time sure does fly right by you!!! It is funny - even though we are grown up, married, have my son - I sometimes still feel like the 16 year old girl when I see him - I still get butterflies when he smiles at me. OK - I admit - sometimes I feel like an old woman too - but it amazes me how this guy still can get whatever the hell he wants just by kissing my neck. I try to act like I am this big strong independent woman - but I am really a 16 year old girl in a swoon because her man kissed her!!!! Kind of pathetic.

So - I guess basically things are pretty much status quo now.

Ally - Good luck at the Doctor's.
Lesley - Good luck at the Doctor's
Jenna - "Chin Up Grasshopper"
Jess - I hope you were ok cleaning out your Grandmother's stuff
Jamie - I hope you get your O straigtened out - waiting for the increase is such a pain in the ass sometimes.


To anyone else - Have a good day!!!!!!

STill Sick - Still 3 bars

Well, I am still sick - but I am at work anyway (obviously not doing too much). My temp was 98.0 at 5:00am and 98.4 at 5:45 - so it is still up there - I think because I am sick though - I don't know if I will be able to tell when my temp spikes this month.

I got 3 bars again this morning - but we didn't dance - both of us are so sick and we really weren't up for it - besides I had to be at work at 7 - maybe we will give it one last ditch effort tomorrow morning.

I am supposed to have a doctor's appointment on Monday but I may postpone it - I don't know if I want him digging down there during the two week wait - I think I would rather wait until the following week when - if in the unlikely event I am pregnant - a blood test will at least come out positive - not that it makes much of a difference - so I may just end up going - I guess I will decide tomorrow. I hate going to the gyn - I put it off as much as possible.

Joe was so sick yesterday too - but I was the one with an actual fever - so he took care of me more than I took care of him - he went out and got us lunch and dinner so I didn't have to make anything. He also took care of Joey more than I did yesterday as well - such a good guy.

Sorry I have not been online - I went on last night at around 8 - but didn't stay on for long - commented on some blogs - but that is about it. Hope everyone is doing well - hopefully I will be online later today or tonight to talk to everyone.

Bye.

STill so sick - but guess what???

We must really want to get pregnant again - both DH and I are sick - fever, chills, body aches, headache - the works. This morning I got up at my usual 5:45 and took my temp - 98.4!!! OK - so big spike but then I rolled over and realized I totally felt worse than yesterday - so temp was probably because I have a fever.

I dragged my ass out of the bed to do my morning pee on a stick - once the monitor is done I pull out the test fully expecting two bars and guess what?? 3 Bars! 3 freakin' bars - if there was ever a morning that I didn't want to see 3 bars - this was it -

I didn't believe it - I had EWCM (I know TMI) on Wednesday late night (actually Thursday morning at around 2 am) - we were going to do the dance but both of us just passed out - so i had figured that I missed my opportunity - boy was I surprised - so aches and all we managed to do the dance - and then proceeded to sleep the day away - Joey was excited because he got to watch TV all day long - which he doesn't really do - he was such a good boy for us today - I finally got off my ass around 7 and he asked me "Mommy, you aren't sick anymore???" I still feel weak and a little achy but I think the worst is over. Thank Goodness since I have to be at work tomorrow at 7 :(

Sorry I wasn't on all day guys and hope everyone is well - I have to go check my work email now - and then I think I am going to lie down again.

Sick and Tired

It is 6:09pm and I am very tired and I feel sick - I am achy all over, have a sore throat and a headache - I better not be getting sick because I have so much to do next week:

Monday - Valentine's Day & Doctor's appointment
Tuesday - DH birthday
Wednesday - Work
Thursday - Mommy & Me
Friday - Going to the City to see Phantom of the Opera
Saturday - Work
Sunday - Collapse from exhaustion



I am on cd 23 - still no temp spike - still no "Peak" on the monitor. I am pretty much going by Ally now - if she gets a peak this month then I know the monitor just had to adjust to my cycle and my levels - if she doesn't (and yes - I know she is on Clomid ) then mine is going back on sale at Ebay -

Two months ago I was using every conception method in the book - charting, opk, saliva, cm monitoring - I am slowly but surely going back to the first method - charting - all by itself.

I am so tired these past two days - probably from getting sick. I worked yesterday from 12:30 to 9:00pm - and it was supposed to be my day off!!

I was going to go in for a few hours in the early morning tomorrow - but I don't think I am going to - I brought some stuff home that I can work on when Joey takes a nap (if he takes a nap) - or maybe I will just say screw it and veg on the couch all day - I don't know.

Thank God the drama is over on PW - I never rec'd a response to my Private Messages - and they must have been deleted because now recipient reads "NA". Kacee Babe changed her name to Ashleee - before she deleted the PM it showed me - I wonder if Kacee means Kansas City ?

I don't care - as I did not receive a response it shows the type of people that we were dealing with.

Anyway - that is about it for now - cross your fingers for a spike tomorrow.

You guessed it -

Still two bars on that God for saken thing!!! It is so frustrating! Also, my temp went down to 96.9 at 7:00am - which means a comparable temp at 5:45 would have been 96 and change. So - I still have not ovulated!

Today is cd22 so if I ovulate today - it will be a 36 day cycle - which is normal for me - so we will see what the temp does tomorrow morning - that monitor doesn't mean shit right now.

I had a major migraine last night (sorry again Ally and Les) - I laid on the couch and conked out - with Joey wide awake next to me. My brain feels like it is sore right now.

I was going to rant about PW here - since it is MY Blog - but I really don't have the energy right now. It is really silly what is going on there and how "anonymous" has nothing better to do that play two ends against the middle.

Then you have the March Board posting on our board in the first place (Kayden's Mommy) and then saying "Don't post on our board" Um Hello? The thing is if Kayden's Mommy really just wanted to express her opinion that would be fine right - but SHE started a thread on her board where they could all bash us. So obviously she just really wanted to start a controversy - had she just stated her opinion on our board and been done with it - then - yes - I would have believed she just wanted to express her opinion - the new thread she created on the subject on her board tells a different story however.

I will probably write more later - I PM'd someone that posted a message on our board - although it appears that it was viewed - I have not received a response from her - I guess it isn't much fun if it isn't on Public display.

Also - Kaycee Babe - who is the one who "anonymously" posted MY blog to Heather - still hasn't responded to my PM - I wonder why that is - it is a shame that people, when asked to discuss one on one - are afraid to do so - so again, the invitation goes out to the two people I PM'd - feel free to respond - I actually welcome it.

Gotta go back to work :( I will talk to everyone later.

Jess - Ally will give you my Yahoo Messager id - it will be cool to conference with all of us!

Damn-it - STill Two Bars

And that is all I am going to say about that - And my chart is all over the place - temp back up to 97.1 this morning.

Ok - so did I O yet or no? Help me out here!

Venting - so freakin' pissed right now

OK - some "Christina" lady from the August Birth Board just tried to stir up the same Ticker crap again - Hi - it has been over for some time now - She had the balls to say that no-one responded to Heather's post - Jesus - that whole thread was a response to Heather's post! At least 10 people tried to rationally explain to Heather the whole deal.

I find it ironic that people from the August Board are coming over trying to start crap considering the ONLY reason Heather was still on the TTC board - from her own mouth - was that SHE DID NOT LIKE THE PEOPLE ON THE AUGUST BOARD. I was so tempted to reply to the post and tell little miss Christina butt-insky that HELLO, SHE DIDN'T LIKE YOU PEOPLE!!!

I am taking Jaime's advice and not responding on the Board but I am livid right now! So I guess - we can get bitched at for so called giving Heather the "boot" (which absolutely was not the CASE! but apparently she does not want to listen - and did not read any of the response posts) but it is all right for Heather to now be all "poor me they don't want to see my tickers" on the August Board - because I guess now they are good enough for her - talk about hypocritical and two-faced.

Still 2 bars

Still 2 bars and my temp was down to 96.6 - as I suspected the temps the last two days were not real spikes - it was just really hot in my house and I didn't sleep well.

Looks like more bd for me!!! Every other morning - I am on cd20 now - so I usually O around day 22 - so we shall see.

P.S. I think this monitor is just a big hunk of crap! Hello EBAY.

Crappy Monitor

OK - so Ally, I think we got the same crappy monitor - I am on my 5th day of "high" fertility! So apparently my estrogen is up but they still haven't detected an LH surge. That coupled with my weird temps this past two days and I have no idea what is going on!!! Well we are bd every other morning - let's see if that works!

I am tired today - it is beautiful here 50 degrees (that is 10 degrees Celsius to you Lesley) but I have no desire to motivate.

Right now my son is "cooking a cake for Jesus" - I tell ya, at Christmas time I tried to explain to him (in 3 year old terms) why we celebrate Christmas (the basic it is Jesus' birthday and he is so kind and good that he lets everyone get presents on his birthday). Well, he did not want to hear about it being any one elses' birthday - got very upset about the whole thing - so I dropped it - figuring he was too young. Come January 1st - and every other week he is cooking a cake or making a present for Jesus' birthday - You think they aren't listening - but they always are!.

Well, no other real news - I have no plans for the Super Bowl - I am going to start my roast now so I will just eat dinner and tune into the game now and then - do some laundry and read my book - nothing interesting - just a lazy day.

Hope everyone is doing well - here are a few messages:

Ally - glad the Clomid is not making you a banshee!
Lesley - I hope your doctor's appointment turned out good.
Jess - Party!!!
Jenna - Haven't spoken to you in a while, hope all is well!
One of 100 Jens - Thanks for your info on morphology
Jaime - Still can't believe the ex-story - but I am a bitter bitter woman!

Talk to everyone soon.

OFFICIALLY SICK OF THE WHINERS!

OK, pretty much finished with the "I want my ticker" whiners! I started a new thread about the details of the "shower" - let's get rid of the bad Karma.

Lauren (LauandJohn) and Jen (Lilmamista) both got BFP this month - good for them!!! We need to get cranking on their plans!

I was lurking at the actively trying board - just to see how everyone is doing - I have seen 3 posts already about "hey it worked for me" and "hey just relax".

Someone today posted - my doc told me to bd every 48 hours from two days before ovulation to two days after - Oh really brainiac? Thanks - never thought of changing my bd times for one or another rationalization in my head. The plan this month is:

BD on first "high" fertility day
and BD on the day my temp spikes

That is totally different from last month when all I did was bang my brains out the whole week.
And is totally different from the month before then when I did it every OTHER day
and is totally different from the month before then when I did it standing on my head ever 1.78 days and howled at the moon while pounding out "Get me pregnant, Get me pregnant" in morse code on the wall with my feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know they mean well, I know they do - But FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY! Do they think they are telling these women something they haven't heard a million times before and done thousands of hours of internet research on it????

Here's a concept - offer your advice WHEN IT IS ASKED FOR!!!!!!!!!!! If you see the post "Hey all you pregnant ladies with the Las Vegas tickers - what exactly was your bd schedule when you conceived?" Then answer away - if you do not see it please don't start a post "A little hope", or "It worked for me", "Here's some advice", "You people suck and I am awesome", "Sorry to hear you can't get knocked up....Sucker", "Naa Naa, I am pregnant you are not!!!!!!!" You see, it is all the same to us. Unless you are coming on to say "I found this pill - it is 100% guaranteed to get you pregnant your first cycle with absolutely no short or long term side effects to you or baby." DON'T SAY ANYTHING! Keep it on the birth boards!

I'm sorry - I am tired and cranky (obviously) but this is what I want to say on the boards but can't because there will be an all-out war!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So - Still two bars

OK - who the hell knows what is going on with me this month. Still two bars on Monitor (I think I will go the way of Ally and throw the fucking thing out the window). No ferning pattern but yesterday my son dropped the scope into the sink - and now there is condensation inside the tube - so I can't go by that anymore I think.

But...my temp dropped dramatically to 96.4 (usually around 96.7-96.9) and
Major CM. Just to be safe I woke up DH early and we did the dance (I was an hour late to work - Bad Jenn!)

If my temp goes up either tomorrow or the next day then I know I was right regardless of what all other things say!

My next BD will probably be Sunday morning (did I mention we are switching to mornings?) I am on cd 17 ( I messed up yesterday and said I was on cd15 - I wasn't I was at cd16).

Hopefully my Pinocle prediction is right and I will be pregnant this month!

PW board already has an issue - Heather is offended because we don't want to see sonogram tickers and countdowns - how quickly people forget how hard it is to see that. I know that I will want to hang around the board until my first trimester is over, but I hope that I will be sensitive enough not to be rubbing it in everyones face, especially the women who have been trying much longer than me!!

Anyway, that is my daily rant. I will write more later hopefully.

It is 11:14 pm

Ok so my must see TV just ended - thank goodness the hippy was fired tonight on the Apprentice - I can't stand all of that Kumbaya crap! ER was really good, but a little boy died and it was another hard to watch episode.

I am on cd 15 right now (cd16 in about 45 minutes). There were still 2 bars on the monitor this morning and now fern patterns. I was wondering if I might o early this month - with the test and everything - actually I have been having this daydream that I O early and by the time I go to the doctors office I am 9-10dpo. I go to the Doctor's offic on Valentine's Day and find out that I am pregnant. In my daydream, I keep the news a secret until the next day when it is Joe's birthday. I tell him by gift-wrapping the hpt.

I know, I know - total day dream but sometimes that is what I do to get my head out of the depressing realty of this ttc garbage.

We have our new board on PW and while I am very happy that I won't have to hear some crap about relaxing and taking Geritol (fucking Geritol!). But there is a very strong part of me that is so sad that this board has to exist. I have been trying for 2 years - and I am one of the newbies - so many women have been trying even longer than me - I am so scared that this is going to go on for years - what will I do then? If I get pregnant this month Joey will be about to turn 4 when I give birth - my big plan of having all of my kids two years apart have been completely blown to hell. In my little plan for my life, I should be working on my 3rd child right now - not my second.

In my little plan of life every month when I get the god damn evil witch I wouldn't have been thinking about the baby I lost. I know there was nothing I could do to save that baby - but every month that I am not pregnant I start to think - "What could I have done?"

I guess nothing goes according to someone's little plan of life (as is clearly indicated by all of the women I have been talking to).

I am tough and I won't give up - but I am getting tired, so tired of this seemingly never-ending uphill battle.

Well, I hope someone on that board gets the BFP this month - we need good news for someone other than the "first month trying" twits that we had to listen to on the other board (fucking Geritol).

Ally - I hope you feel better!
Lesley - Have a great day today!
Jenna - You better have studied!
Jaime - You are awesome girl! Thanks for your persistance on the Board!
Jen - Don't make that frame!!! Screw That!
Jess - Hope your doctor appointment went ok!


Talk to everyone soon!

2 bars

Ok - so I got two bars on the fertility monitor - whatever that means - it says I am at "high" fertility. I am on cycle day 15 so I don't expect to ovulate for 7 days - or at the earlies 5 days.

Joe and I did the dance last night and even though he knows it isn't my fertile time (I swear sometimes I think he knows my cycle better than me) he told me to prop my ass up anyway- because you never can tell.

My son is laying in his bed right now fighting his nap - if he isn't asleep in another tweny minutes I will have to forget about his nap today :( . I don't know about you - but if someone told me I had to go take a nap - I wouldn't even argue for one second! I don't understand it!

I am tired today - I drank two glasses of wine last night - which is a big deal for me! That isn't why I am tired - went to bed late got up early - that is why I am tired.

Ally - I am sorry that stupid evil bitch showed her face this month. Clomid next month and a BFP for you - that is my prediction. Meanwhile go get yourself a dunkachino and a donut!

Talk to you girls soon.

Lucky for him...

You Would Pick Your Boyfriend Again!

While the initial new couple spark has faded for you two,

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I got this off Jaime's blog (Thanks Jaime). Pretty cool - I like this description of me.

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