Fertility Specialist Appointment

OK - so here it is - what happened at my appointment today.....

Well, I went through all my history with the doctor...He reviewed Joe's Semen Analysis and gave me the option of starting the Clomid/IUI cycle this month or next.

Of course I picked this month (rather sooner than later). So....I got my blood drawn and then got the U/S done for the base line. Well, he does the Ultra Sound and then after rattling off numbers to his nurse, asks me "Do you find that you are having problems with facial hair??"

OK -so this is a weird question - and unfortunately the answere is "yes, I feel like I am waxing and tweezing way more lately" OK - for whoever decides to read this - I know - not very feminine - but I do wax and tweeze and I promise - I don't look like a man!!!

Then he said "Is there Diabetes in your family?" So I have to answer "Yes, my father is borderline diabetic but it was just diagnosed."

Doctor: "I think you may have PCOS"

Me: "And that means......."

Doctor: "Well I am sending you for blood work, you will get the Glucose test and will need to fast before it - no eating past 9:30 pm the day before the test. You appear to have cysts on your ovaries which could be affecting ovulation."

Me: "Well, should we move forward with IUI then?"

Doc: "Yes, if we determine that you Do indeed have PCOS then we will adjust how you are treated from there - but for now we should continue with our course."

So....Joe needs ANOTHER sperm analysis as a comparison to his previous.

I go for blood work tomorrow.

I take my Clomid from Tonight to Monday.

I go BACK to the Doctor on Thursday for another Ultrasound.

If the follicles are big enough I will get an HCG shot.

A few days later Iwill get the IUI.
Two days after that (if I am reading the info correctly) I will get another IUI.

Few days after that I will start the Progesterone.

A week to 10 days after that I go for my blood test.

IF PCOS diagnosis is made, then I am not sure where we go from there. It is so freakin' annoying.

So.....either this time next month I will be happier than a pig in shit or I will be a miserable hormone-filled psycho bitch that noone will want to deal with!!! Let us hope and pray it is the former!

Talk to everyone later

AF and Dr. Appointment

Well, AF arrived yesterday - and boy is she here with a vengeance. I don't know if it is because I had a more normal length cycle (30 days) or what but I am cramping alot worse than usual. I was up 3 times last night taking something for the cramps. They have subsided a little now. I usually just lay on the couch when she arrives but today - I don't know if I was pissed off or what - but I did the Spring Cleaning in my kitchen - washed down all the walls, the baseboards, behind appliances, you know the deal... All I have left to do is inside of the cabinets - which I think I am leaving for tomorrow or Sunday because now I am beat and I have to start cooking any second.

I am making boring chicken cutlets tonight - snore.

Blogger has not been working...I was prepared to post a huge rant on the fact that the bitch showed up....but now I am over it...well, not over it, but you know what I mean. Why should this month be any different than any other?

I found out that I am not really going to see and RE....he is actually a plain old gynecologist but he is part of an Infertility Group....which basically means that he will have access to all of the infertility information but I will not need to get a referral to go to him. And...if for some reason he thinks I should see someone else in his practice...they can do the referrals without much of a fuss b/c it will be one doctor in the practice to another. I guess that is a good thing.

I have a feeling they will make Joe go for another analysis...that is what my current gynecologist said....I guess they can't just go by one - especially if the one had issues. Joe will just love that!

It if finally beautiful here...very spring like...I had my windows open all day and my heat is off...which is good considering what the cost of oil is right now...last week I got 200 gallons of oil and it cost me $400 !!!! I almost had a freakin' heart attack!!!

My dad goes for his follow up MRI on Friday...they think he may have MS because the last MRI showed lesions on his brain....this is really scary. From what I have been reading, when MS is diagnosed this late it usually goes straight to "stage II" which basically means each "attack" will get progressively worse.
I am praying that they will say "No, it is not MS - his stroke was just worse than we originally thought". Please God, let my Dad be OK.

OK - well, I need to go bread my chicken cutlets now. I hope everyone is doing well.

Here is my son and his favorite Uncle Pat!! No - it is not an illusion - mini me is really completely inside that back-pack!!!! 

Update

Well, I went out and bought FRED.....3 Tests, 3 BFN, AF due in 2 days, I am out this month, Mother Fucker.

Final Tally

OK so here is the final tally on the internet tests:

Thursday night - faint positive
Friday at 3am - negative
Friday at 7am - negative
Friday at 6pm - faint positive
Saturday 5am - negative

Damn you Cheap Internet Test Scum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn you False Positives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, I wasn't really upset because the positives looked exactly like the one I got so hopeful about two months ago....so I didn't believe it when I saw it.

I know what you are thinking - she is reading the tests too late - but I am not...the positives come up within three minutes....and they stay there. I didn't even bother showing hubby b/c I know it was really a negative.

So I am on cycle day 27 - I should be getting AF on Tuesday or Wednesday - I o'd on CD 17 - so 14 days from then CD 31 my temp should drop (Wednesday) and latest I will get AF is CD 32 - Thursday.

My boobs still hurt but they are not killing me....looks like it is an '06 kid for me.

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter....I am sorry that I have not been responding lately.....it seems like I can't keep up lately. I do miss you girls!

Talk to everyone soon.

I have issues - serious fucking issues

"Thank you for your payment. Your transaction has been completed, and a receipt for your purchase has been emailed to you"


Do you know what the fuck that is????? Yes, that is right - it is my confirmation for my cheap internet pregnancy tests that I VOWED never to get again because of the false positives!!!!!!!

Son of a bitch what is my deal!?! My boobs started hurting today - I am on Cycle day 22 - I probably ovulated on CD 17 - which means I am about 5 dpo - even though I KNOW I AM NOT PREGNANT - I have already started thinking about taking a test - what happened to me - yesterday I said I would wait until Easter - and then what do I go and do??? Buy those Stupid fucking cheap tests that don't work anyway!!!! I am such an asshole!

My only saving grace is that I won't buy any of the more expensive ones now because I know the cheap ones are on order and will be here in 3-4 days - so If I get them by Thursday then I will take the tests Thursday night, friday morning, saturday morning, sunday morning and Monday morning - which will bring me to all of Cycle day 29 - 2 days before AF is due - maybe I will be able to hold out for two days to see if (and when) AF arrives on Tuesday or Wednesday.

My boobs started hurting a little last night - so today I checked FF to see when they started hurting last month and the month before - and because they are beginning to hurt about 4-5 days earlier than usual - here I go getting my fucking hopes up again - Jesus - I only danced on my first peak day (actually it was in between the two - I got my first peak CD16 morning and we danced at about 1:30am on CD 17.) - So my chances are slim - real slim.

Why do I do this to myself - and why the hell does it come on so suddenly???? Yesterday I thought I was ok - no problem - I can wait - Today.....what a fucking mess!!!!

OK - I really need to get back to work - God - I need to start compartmentalizing (sp) - work when I am at work, mess around when I am at home!!!!

I have SERIOUS FUCKING ISSUES PEOPLE.......I think I need an Intervention - Big Time!!!

Cd what?

Well, I guess it is a good sign when I need to check my fertility monitor to see what cycle day I am on. Wait, let me go check.....OK - I am cycle day 21 - I guess that means I am due in about 9 to 11 days - which will bring me to next Tuesday to Thursday. I will probably test on Easter morning - just because it would be nice to get a positive result on a holiday - as if that is going to happen.

It is 2:45 and I am still in my bathrobe. I took a shower about 2 1/2 hours ago and haven't motivated since - I made Joey lunch and then we painted flower pots as a present for his Grandma for Easter - He kept saying "Mommy, My Grandmother is going to love her flower pot!"

I have to go to a birthday party tonight for my nephew - he is 3 years old - they are having pizza so at least I don't have to cook tonight! Actually, it is my best friend's son - but he calls me Aunt Jenn. Joey asked me a few weeks ago "Mommy, is James my cousin?" - It was easier to say yes than to explain. They usually get along pretty well - or at least know that they aren't allowed to beat eachother up!

I am starting to feel down about my chances this month - we only danced on the fist peak day - and that didn't work last month so I am sure this isn't the month either. The only thing is that we didn't really try too hard this month - I wasn't obsessing, didn't take my temps and only used the monitor a few times - so the pressure isn't so big this month if I don't get a positive. It is worse if you are trying really hard and then still nothing. I wish I could go back to when I wasn't armed with so much information. The internet is great - but it can also suck since there so many places to get answers - there is a thing as knowing too much!

As usual, I don't have much to say, not feeling very creative so I have no witty commentary this afternoon - I am much more inspired before ovulation than after!

So I hope everyone is doing well - I am going to try to comment now on everyone's blog if blogger will let me.

CD 20

Not much going on with me. My sister bought Joey and big boy bike with training wheels today. He rode it for a little while and then gave up - he kept braking - I give him 2 weeks and he will be a speed demon! Maybe we will take a walk down to the horse farm today to give him some practice (after work).

I am at work right now and waiting for my boss to call us up - I am at a stand still on so many projects and I have been filling up my time so far with fluff and I have now run out of things to do - I hope he hurries up!

I don't have many plans this weekend - I am going to see my mom tonight and I have a birthday party tomorrow night -

I hope everyone is doing well - I am out of things to say - sorry - very slow lately. I hope everyone is doing well.

Today

Well, it is today - not much new going on around here. I am on cycle day 17 - I got my second day of "Peak" fertility - I can't tell you still how astonished I am that I am ovulating on day 17 - the EARLIEST I usually ovulate is day 22.

If anything, I would have assumed that I would have ovulated even later because this month has been so damn stressful!!!

Well, luckily we have been dancing like crazy lately - just because - which is nice. Last night was the first time we did it because we "had" to - but we didn't need to much convincing - OK - too much information - this I know.

The boards have been dead lately - as well as the blogs - I am as guilty as everyone for not updating - I just feel like I have been running around so much and taking care of so many things - I am too tired to respond to anything online - if I even get the energy to get online. (Thank goodness for work or I would never catch up with what is going on!! Ha Ha)

Well, I am actually about to leave work now and go pick up the boy - I will try to write later (but I always say that don't I?)

OK - bye for now.

Quick Post

OK - so just a quick one - because I am at work right now (of course).

I went to see Robots on Sunday with my husband, my son and my nephew ($60 later). It was pretty cute. The kids liked it and there was some hidden jokes for the adults in it as well.
That night we went to visit Joe's dad (he had a stroke last year) so all-in-all it was a pretty good day.

I am on cycle day 16 - and much to my surprise (more like Holy Shit! what the Fuck is that????) I had 3 bars on the monitor today!!! So I will dance tonight and tomorrow - so much for not "Actively" trying.

I think the O reading might be messed up because I have not been religiously testing - they have asked for 7 tests so far and I have only done 3 - one I got a low reading - then yesterday I got High and this morning I got O - so I may have screwed myself. CD16-18 is VERY Early for me - that would leave me with a 30 - 32 day cycle - my usual cycle length is 36 - so who the hell knows.

Regardless, we have been doing it like freakin' bunnies lately anyway. My DH has been a horn toad lately - and I am not complaining - it is amazing how dancing can be fun when it isn't forced!

Oh well - back to the drawing board tonight - legs in the air!!!

Hope everyone is doing well.

OK - so I am trying this again

Blogger is pissing me off - I already posted a witty and insightful entry about 10 minutes ago - and received a time out error - magic like my last post does not happen twice - oh well, let me try again.....

I took my dad to the Neurologist yesterday...The doc was great (no hands in my face - lucky for him). He told my dad that if the stroke had occurred 1mm to the left he would have been totally paralyzed on his right side - very scary thought.

I have been in "just deal with it" mode this past week - which is really good for getting things done when they need to be - but I don't think it is entirely healthy....yesterday, watching my Dad get checked out - I realized how close we came to losing him - I am not ready for that yet - I am only 31 - I don't think I would be able to handle losing my Dad yet - he has always been so strong for us - even when his life was in a shambles - I love that guy and I don't know what this family would do without him.

Thinking back - I think I have been in "just deal with it" mode for the last almost two years. July 2003 Joe's dad had a massive stroke - so I had to take care of my husband and help out with the legal stuff with Joe's Dad (thankfully, and probably selfishly on our part, Joe's sister and her husband are dealing with the brunt - no that is inaccurate - all of his everyday care). Two months later, I had my miscarriage and operations because they found some precancerous cells during my pregnancy pap, Two months after my miscarriage (and the day before my birthday), my grandmother had a massive stroke and was on life support - we had to deal with the "should we/shouldn't we" family arguments, then after we decided to take out the breathing tube - we had to watch her for another day before she finally let go.

Although Joe and I are good now...we went through some really tough times together after the miscarriage - we basically just shut eachother out - and although we started trying to get pregnant again - we weren't where we should have been emotionally. Thankfully, we have worked things out, talked and are really back on the right track, but it was scary for a while there.

Now with my Dad's stroke - well, I am feeling like the camel's back is going to break soon - I am moving one day at a time and trying to deal with things the right way - I hope I am succeeding...

I am sorry this post seemed so down - because I am not really depressed - I just type that way....I think as I type and whatever comes out comes out!

Chas...I tried to reply to your blog - but damn blogger gave me an error! Sorry.

Hope to talk to everyone soon!

HHHHEEEERRRREEEE''''SSSS Jenny!

Well - I am back. A little worse for the wear but I am here and still standing. Let me just say this....Jamaica Hospital Sucks....the neurologist at the hospital is an arrogant incompetant asshole....the nurses on the stroke ward are fake bitches....and the Emergency Room is more like Romper Room - It is a miracle that my father came out of there in-tact!

The second day my father was in the hospital I noticed that his right side was ALOT weaker than the day before. One day he could do a crossword puzzle - the next he couldn't even write his name. His speech was slurred where it was very hard to understand him. So I asked to speak to the Neurologist.

Well, when this asshole comes in he starts looking at my dad - I tried to explain to him what the problem was and HE PUT HIS HAND UP AS IF TO SAY "SILENCE". OK - so that was once. Then he says "well, you are just like you were this morning" so I said "that may be true but he is much worse then he was yesterday - and you did not see him yesterday". Again - HE PUT HIS FUCKING HAND UP!!!! OK pal - you might get away with that once but NOT TWICE FUCKER!

So (as this neurologist is about 12 inches away from me) I turned to my sister and said "If this asshole puts his hand up at me one more time I am going to Knock him the Fuck out!" Needless to say - he turned and finally started talking to me. They gave my dad a catscan a few hours later (thank you very much).

There are several different incompetent, arrogant, inconsiderate stories that I could detail here but the story above pretty much sums up our experience. Thank God my dad is going to see his physician on Wednesday and the Neurologist on Friday!

On the Trying to Conceive Front - I am cd9 I think - the monitor this morning asked for a test but I know that I am not even close so I just turned the stupid thing off. I have not taken my temp yet this cycle - I am just so tired and I don't know if I can handle another let down this month - so I am going to take a breather - I know by next month I will get back on track but right now I feel so drained - I feel like I was concentrating so hard on trying to conceive that I am ignoring everything else around me. My dad's stroke made me want to spend a little more time with the family that I am blessed with already.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and prayers for my dad - it meant alot to me. Hope everyone is doing well!