Fertility Specialist Appointment

OK - so here it is - what happened at my appointment today.....

Well, I went through all my history with the doctor...He reviewed Joe's Semen Analysis and gave me the option of starting the Clomid/IUI cycle this month or next.

Of course I picked this month (rather sooner than later). So....I got my blood drawn and then got the U/S done for the base line. Well, he does the Ultra Sound and then after rattling off numbers to his nurse, asks me "Do you find that you are having problems with facial hair??"

OK -so this is a weird question - and unfortunately the answere is "yes, I feel like I am waxing and tweezing way more lately" OK - for whoever decides to read this - I know - not very feminine - but I do wax and tweeze and I promise - I don't look like a man!!!

Then he said "Is there Diabetes in your family?" So I have to answer "Yes, my father is borderline diabetic but it was just diagnosed."

Doctor: "I think you may have PCOS"

Me: "And that means......."

Doctor: "Well I am sending you for blood work, you will get the Glucose test and will need to fast before it - no eating past 9:30 pm the day before the test. You appear to have cysts on your ovaries which could be affecting ovulation."

Me: "Well, should we move forward with IUI then?"

Doc: "Yes, if we determine that you Do indeed have PCOS then we will adjust how you are treated from there - but for now we should continue with our course."

So....Joe needs ANOTHER sperm analysis as a comparison to his previous.

I go for blood work tomorrow.

I take my Clomid from Tonight to Monday.

I go BACK to the Doctor on Thursday for another Ultrasound.

If the follicles are big enough I will get an HCG shot.

A few days later Iwill get the IUI.
Two days after that (if I am reading the info correctly) I will get another IUI.

Few days after that I will start the Progesterone.

A week to 10 days after that I go for my blood test.

IF PCOS diagnosis is made, then I am not sure where we go from there. It is so freakin' annoying.

So.....either this time next month I will be happier than a pig in shit or I will be a miserable hormone-filled psycho bitch that noone will want to deal with!!! Let us hope and pray it is the former!

Talk to everyone later

AF and Dr. Appointment

Well, AF arrived yesterday - and boy is she here with a vengeance. I don't know if it is because I had a more normal length cycle (30 days) or what but I am cramping alot worse than usual. I was up 3 times last night taking something for the cramps. They have subsided a little now. I usually just lay on the couch when she arrives but today - I don't know if I was pissed off or what - but I did the Spring Cleaning in my kitchen - washed down all the walls, the baseboards, behind appliances, you know the deal... All I have left to do is inside of the cabinets - which I think I am leaving for tomorrow or Sunday because now I am beat and I have to start cooking any second.

I am making boring chicken cutlets tonight - snore.

Blogger has not been working...I was prepared to post a huge rant on the fact that the bitch showed up....but now I am over it...well, not over it, but you know what I mean. Why should this month be any different than any other?

I found out that I am not really going to see and RE....he is actually a plain old gynecologist but he is part of an Infertility Group....which basically means that he will have access to all of the infertility information but I will not need to get a referral to go to him. And...if for some reason he thinks I should see someone else in his practice...they can do the referrals without much of a fuss b/c it will be one doctor in the practice to another. I guess that is a good thing.

I have a feeling they will make Joe go for another analysis...that is what my current gynecologist said....I guess they can't just go by one - especially if the one had issues. Joe will just love that!

It if finally beautiful here...very spring like...I had my windows open all day and my heat is off...which is good considering what the cost of oil is right now...last week I got 200 gallons of oil and it cost me $400 !!!! I almost had a freakin' heart attack!!!

My dad goes for his follow up MRI on Friday...they think he may have MS because the last MRI showed lesions on his brain....this is really scary. From what I have been reading, when MS is diagnosed this late it usually goes straight to "stage II" which basically means each "attack" will get progressively worse.
I am praying that they will say "No, it is not MS - his stroke was just worse than we originally thought". Please God, let my Dad be OK.

OK - well, I need to go bread my chicken cutlets now. I hope everyone is doing well.

Here is my son and his favorite Uncle Pat!! No - it is not an illusion - mini me is really completely inside that back-pack!!!! 

Update

Well, I went out and bought FRED.....3 Tests, 3 BFN, AF due in 2 days, I am out this month, Mother Fucker.

Final Tally

OK so here is the final tally on the internet tests:

Thursday night - faint positive
Friday at 3am - negative
Friday at 7am - negative
Friday at 6pm - faint positive
Saturday 5am - negative

Damn you Cheap Internet Test Scum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn you False Positives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, I wasn't really upset because the positives looked exactly like the one I got so hopeful about two months ago....so I didn't believe it when I saw it.

I know what you are thinking - she is reading the tests too late - but I am not...the positives come up within three minutes....and they stay there. I didn't even bother showing hubby b/c I know it was really a negative.

So I am on cycle day 27 - I should be getting AF on Tuesday or Wednesday - I o'd on CD 17 - so 14 days from then CD 31 my temp should drop (Wednesday) and latest I will get AF is CD 32 - Thursday.

My boobs still hurt but they are not killing me....looks like it is an '06 kid for me.

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter....I am sorry that I have not been responding lately.....it seems like I can't keep up lately. I do miss you girls!

Talk to everyone soon.

I have issues - serious fucking issues

"Thank you for your payment. Your transaction has been completed, and a receipt for your purchase has been emailed to you"


Do you know what the fuck that is????? Yes, that is right - it is my confirmation for my cheap internet pregnancy tests that I VOWED never to get again because of the false positives!!!!!!!

Son of a bitch what is my deal!?! My boobs started hurting today - I am on Cycle day 22 - I probably ovulated on CD 17 - which means I am about 5 dpo - even though I KNOW I AM NOT PREGNANT - I have already started thinking about taking a test - what happened to me - yesterday I said I would wait until Easter - and then what do I go and do??? Buy those Stupid fucking cheap tests that don't work anyway!!!! I am such an asshole!

My only saving grace is that I won't buy any of the more expensive ones now because I know the cheap ones are on order and will be here in 3-4 days - so If I get them by Thursday then I will take the tests Thursday night, friday morning, saturday morning, sunday morning and Monday morning - which will bring me to all of Cycle day 29 - 2 days before AF is due - maybe I will be able to hold out for two days to see if (and when) AF arrives on Tuesday or Wednesday.

My boobs started hurting a little last night - so today I checked FF to see when they started hurting last month and the month before - and because they are beginning to hurt about 4-5 days earlier than usual - here I go getting my fucking hopes up again - Jesus - I only danced on my first peak day (actually it was in between the two - I got my first peak CD16 morning and we danced at about 1:30am on CD 17.) - So my chances are slim - real slim.

Why do I do this to myself - and why the hell does it come on so suddenly???? Yesterday I thought I was ok - no problem - I can wait - Today.....what a fucking mess!!!!

OK - I really need to get back to work - God - I need to start compartmentalizing (sp) - work when I am at work, mess around when I am at home!!!!

I have SERIOUS FUCKING ISSUES PEOPLE.......I think I need an Intervention - Big Time!!!

Cd what?

Well, I guess it is a good sign when I need to check my fertility monitor to see what cycle day I am on. Wait, let me go check.....OK - I am cycle day 21 - I guess that means I am due in about 9 to 11 days - which will bring me to next Tuesday to Thursday. I will probably test on Easter morning - just because it would be nice to get a positive result on a holiday - as if that is going to happen.

It is 2:45 and I am still in my bathrobe. I took a shower about 2 1/2 hours ago and haven't motivated since - I made Joey lunch and then we painted flower pots as a present for his Grandma for Easter - He kept saying "Mommy, My Grandmother is going to love her flower pot!"

I have to go to a birthday party tonight for my nephew - he is 3 years old - they are having pizza so at least I don't have to cook tonight! Actually, it is my best friend's son - but he calls me Aunt Jenn. Joey asked me a few weeks ago "Mommy, is James my cousin?" - It was easier to say yes than to explain. They usually get along pretty well - or at least know that they aren't allowed to beat eachother up!

I am starting to feel down about my chances this month - we only danced on the fist peak day - and that didn't work last month so I am sure this isn't the month either. The only thing is that we didn't really try too hard this month - I wasn't obsessing, didn't take my temps and only used the monitor a few times - so the pressure isn't so big this month if I don't get a positive. It is worse if you are trying really hard and then still nothing. I wish I could go back to when I wasn't armed with so much information. The internet is great - but it can also suck since there so many places to get answers - there is a thing as knowing too much!

As usual, I don't have much to say, not feeling very creative so I have no witty commentary this afternoon - I am much more inspired before ovulation than after!

So I hope everyone is doing well - I am going to try to comment now on everyone's blog if blogger will let me.

CD 20

Not much going on with me. My sister bought Joey and big boy bike with training wheels today. He rode it for a little while and then gave up - he kept braking - I give him 2 weeks and he will be a speed demon! Maybe we will take a walk down to the horse farm today to give him some practice (after work).

I am at work right now and waiting for my boss to call us up - I am at a stand still on so many projects and I have been filling up my time so far with fluff and I have now run out of things to do - I hope he hurries up!

I don't have many plans this weekend - I am going to see my mom tonight and I have a birthday party tomorrow night -

I hope everyone is doing well - I am out of things to say - sorry - very slow lately. I hope everyone is doing well.

Today

Well, it is today - not much new going on around here. I am on cycle day 17 - I got my second day of "Peak" fertility - I can't tell you still how astonished I am that I am ovulating on day 17 - the EARLIEST I usually ovulate is day 22.

If anything, I would have assumed that I would have ovulated even later because this month has been so damn stressful!!!

Well, luckily we have been dancing like crazy lately - just because - which is nice. Last night was the first time we did it because we "had" to - but we didn't need to much convincing - OK - too much information - this I know.

The boards have been dead lately - as well as the blogs - I am as guilty as everyone for not updating - I just feel like I have been running around so much and taking care of so many things - I am too tired to respond to anything online - if I even get the energy to get online. (Thank goodness for work or I would never catch up with what is going on!! Ha Ha)

Well, I am actually about to leave work now and go pick up the boy - I will try to write later (but I always say that don't I?)

OK - bye for now.

Quick Post

OK - so just a quick one - because I am at work right now (of course).

I went to see Robots on Sunday with my husband, my son and my nephew ($60 later). It was pretty cute. The kids liked it and there was some hidden jokes for the adults in it as well.
That night we went to visit Joe's dad (he had a stroke last year) so all-in-all it was a pretty good day.

I am on cycle day 16 - and much to my surprise (more like Holy Shit! what the Fuck is that????) I had 3 bars on the monitor today!!! So I will dance tonight and tomorrow - so much for not "Actively" trying.

I think the O reading might be messed up because I have not been religiously testing - they have asked for 7 tests so far and I have only done 3 - one I got a low reading - then yesterday I got High and this morning I got O - so I may have screwed myself. CD16-18 is VERY Early for me - that would leave me with a 30 - 32 day cycle - my usual cycle length is 36 - so who the hell knows.

Regardless, we have been doing it like freakin' bunnies lately anyway. My DH has been a horn toad lately - and I am not complaining - it is amazing how dancing can be fun when it isn't forced!

Oh well - back to the drawing board tonight - legs in the air!!!

Hope everyone is doing well.

OK - so I am trying this again

Blogger is pissing me off - I already posted a witty and insightful entry about 10 minutes ago - and received a time out error - magic like my last post does not happen twice - oh well, let me try again.....

I took my dad to the Neurologist yesterday...The doc was great (no hands in my face - lucky for him). He told my dad that if the stroke had occurred 1mm to the left he would have been totally paralyzed on his right side - very scary thought.

I have been in "just deal with it" mode this past week - which is really good for getting things done when they need to be - but I don't think it is entirely healthy....yesterday, watching my Dad get checked out - I realized how close we came to losing him - I am not ready for that yet - I am only 31 - I don't think I would be able to handle losing my Dad yet - he has always been so strong for us - even when his life was in a shambles - I love that guy and I don't know what this family would do without him.

Thinking back - I think I have been in "just deal with it" mode for the last almost two years. July 2003 Joe's dad had a massive stroke - so I had to take care of my husband and help out with the legal stuff with Joe's Dad (thankfully, and probably selfishly on our part, Joe's sister and her husband are dealing with the brunt - no that is inaccurate - all of his everyday care). Two months later, I had my miscarriage and operations because they found some precancerous cells during my pregnancy pap, Two months after my miscarriage (and the day before my birthday), my grandmother had a massive stroke and was on life support - we had to deal with the "should we/shouldn't we" family arguments, then after we decided to take out the breathing tube - we had to watch her for another day before she finally let go.

Although Joe and I are good now...we went through some really tough times together after the miscarriage - we basically just shut eachother out - and although we started trying to get pregnant again - we weren't where we should have been emotionally. Thankfully, we have worked things out, talked and are really back on the right track, but it was scary for a while there.

Now with my Dad's stroke - well, I am feeling like the camel's back is going to break soon - I am moving one day at a time and trying to deal with things the right way - I hope I am succeeding...

I am sorry this post seemed so down - because I am not really depressed - I just type that way....I think as I type and whatever comes out comes out!

Chas...I tried to reply to your blog - but damn blogger gave me an error! Sorry.

Hope to talk to everyone soon!

HHHHEEEERRRREEEE''''SSSS Jenny!

Well - I am back. A little worse for the wear but I am here and still standing. Let me just say this....Jamaica Hospital Sucks....the neurologist at the hospital is an arrogant incompetant asshole....the nurses on the stroke ward are fake bitches....and the Emergency Room is more like Romper Room - It is a miracle that my father came out of there in-tact!

The second day my father was in the hospital I noticed that his right side was ALOT weaker than the day before. One day he could do a crossword puzzle - the next he couldn't even write his name. His speech was slurred where it was very hard to understand him. So I asked to speak to the Neurologist.

Well, when this asshole comes in he starts looking at my dad - I tried to explain to him what the problem was and HE PUT HIS HAND UP AS IF TO SAY "SILENCE". OK - so that was once. Then he says "well, you are just like you were this morning" so I said "that may be true but he is much worse then he was yesterday - and you did not see him yesterday". Again - HE PUT HIS FUCKING HAND UP!!!! OK pal - you might get away with that once but NOT TWICE FUCKER!

So (as this neurologist is about 12 inches away from me) I turned to my sister and said "If this asshole puts his hand up at me one more time I am going to Knock him the Fuck out!" Needless to say - he turned and finally started talking to me. They gave my dad a catscan a few hours later (thank you very much).

There are several different incompetent, arrogant, inconsiderate stories that I could detail here but the story above pretty much sums up our experience. Thank God my dad is going to see his physician on Wednesday and the Neurologist on Friday!

On the Trying to Conceive Front - I am cd9 I think - the monitor this morning asked for a test but I know that I am not even close so I just turned the stupid thing off. I have not taken my temp yet this cycle - I am just so tired and I don't know if I can handle another let down this month - so I am going to take a breather - I know by next month I will get back on track but right now I feel so drained - I feel like I was concentrating so hard on trying to conceive that I am ignoring everything else around me. My dad's stroke made me want to spend a little more time with the family that I am blessed with already.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and prayers for my dad - it meant alot to me. Hope everyone is doing well!

CD40

THE FUCKING BITCH HAS ARRIVED.

cd39

CD 39
13dpo
Monitor:Low
Mood: Even Lower
Temp. Major dip - .1 degree above coverline - I will get another big drop tomorrow and AF will be here at the latest Monday
Can't stand mean spirited people who run there mouth just to hear themselves speak
Had to buy a baby shower gift yesterday
Done talking for today

AAAUUUGGGHHH!

CD 38
12 dpo
AF due in 3 Days
BFN
Totally pissed off
That's it

Hello everyone!

Well on the ttc front - things are pretty much status quo. I am 11dpo and 4 days till AF is due - tested this morning - BFN - not surprised - pissed but not surprised.

About the Hives:

Basically, after Internet self diagnosis, I have determined that I have Cold Urticaria - which is basically an allergic reaction to the cold. DH and I have been talking and we pretty much realized that this has been going on for over a year. Since I don't spend much time out in the cold, and hardly ever go swimming - it wasn't really noticeable (sp?) until now. We did realize that anytime I go swimming in a pool or the ocean, I totally break out in hives - I have always attributed it to the chlorine or salt water - turns out it isn't that at all.
Also, when I do the dishes, if the hot water starts running out - my hands break out in hives.
So, when I was in the City last Friday and I was out in the cold for a LONG period of time (we walked from Penn to 44th street) I got a really bad noticable reaction. Last night I was outside cleaning out my car - same thing happened so I looked up "Cold Induced Hives" on the internet and this is what I found.

Basically if you go to an allergist they give you an ice test. They place an ice cube on your arm for 4 minutes then observe the area for 2 minutes afterwards. If it looks like this than you have Cold Urticaria.

Of course I did the test myself and two minutes later - Big Huge Hive on my arm - so that is enough for me. They treat you with antihistimines (sp?) but since I do not want to be on anything while TTC - I am not going to the doctor (much to the annoyance of my mother).

In other news:

I went shopping for my nieces' Sweet 16 dress today. Here is the dress we found::::





(My niece is Way Cuter) The picture doesn't do the dress justice, the beading is all sparkly - she looks like a little princess!!!!!

That is pretty much it - I will let you all know when I get another BFN tomorrow morning. I am supposed to work at 7am tomorrow - but we are in the middle of a snow storm so I don't know what is going to happen.

Hope everyone doing well.

Children's and Pregnancy Books

Here are some good pregnancy/children's books that I like:

Pregnancy:

What to expect when expecting Heidi Murkoff
What to expect when expecting Pregnancy Organizer (taken)
Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy (taken)
My boys can Swim -The official Guys Guide to Pregnancy by Ian Davis
The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy - Vickie Iovine
Your Pregnancy Week by Week - Glade Curtis
The Mother of All Pregnancy Books - Ann Douglas
What to name your baby from Adolph to Zsa Zsa (taken)

Children's Books:

Guess how much I love you? - Sam McBratney
The Runaway Bunny - Margaret Wise Brown
Brown Bear Brown Bear What do you see (or any Eric Carle)
Morning Song (Taken)
Corduroy (taken)
Love you Forever - Robert Munsch
Everybody Poops (taken)
Anything Dr. Seuss - particularly Green Eggs and Ham, Cat in the Hat, Yertle the Turtle, The Lorax, Oh the places you will go (taken)
Baby Einstein Dog Book (taken)
Don't let the pigeon drive the Bus - Mo Willems
Goodnight Moon - Margaret Wise Brown
Where the Wild Things Are - Maurice Sendak
The Giving Tree - Shel Silverstein (taken)
Falling Up - Shel Silverstein (taken)
Stellaluna - Janell Cannon
If you give a Mouse a Cookie (or Moose a Muffin or Pig a Pancake) - Laura Joffe Numeroff
Any of the Classics: Rumplestilskin, Hansel and Gretyl, Three Little Pigs (taken), the three bears (taken) - there are some beautiful classic books being printed now.
The true story of the Three Little Pigs (three little pigs from the wolf's perspective) by Jon Scieszka
Pat the Bunny - Dorothy Kunhardt
Velveteen Rabbit (taken)


Just some suggestions.

CD 35

OK - we are getting to the home stretch here!

cd 35
9dpo
Monitor: didn't even bother turning it on this morning
mood: still kind of gloomy but climbing my way back
phantom symptoms: boobs still hurt, cramping a little today, being a TOTAL Bitch!

Don't have much to report today - I totally screwed around at work today taking care of personal bullshit - I have no idea what I am putting down on my times sheet - I did maybe 5.5 hours of work for the 8 hour day. I will need to extend my day on Friday to make up for the hours! Oh well, at least I am off for the next two days.

I have to take my niece shopping for her Sweet 16 dress - she wants to go to David's Bridal - apparently Sweet 16's are even bigger now then when I was in school - She is the last little girl in my family - after she was born it was All boys afterwards - 7 to be exact. We are all predicting that my "man's man" of a brother will be the ones to have all girls!!!!!

I am also going to dinner with a good friend of mine (we are trying to go every month) next Friday - we are going to this really good Italian Place - I love Italian - so I am looking forward to that - which means I will definately have to test by Friday since we usually polish off a bottle of wine between us!!!

That is is for now - I hope everyone is doing ok.

cd 34 - 6 more days to go until I completely give up hope

OK - one more time stats:

cd 34
8dpo
monitor: low
phantom symptoms: boobs hurt - no more no less than last month
mood: impossibly low
temp: 97.8 about 45 minutes before I was supposed to be up - so at normal waking it would have been about 97.95

I have been in such a mood the past few days - I don't know if it is because I don't feel well (sore throat, headache and those damn hives) or if I am PMSing bad this month or what - all I know is that for the past two days I have woken (is that right? it doesn't look right) up in such a pissy mood. Yesterday morning I actually left my house because I knew that I was going to be a bitch to my husband for something that normally rolls off my back - like sitting around until 1pm on Sunday, or not cleaning his dishes or whatever. He asked me if it was him and I told him the truth "No, I am just in such a miserable mood that I know I am going to be a bitch to you - so I am trying to avoid that."

We fought this morning over something impossibly stupid because of my mood and I wish I would just get out of this funk already. I don't know if I am upset about knowing I am probably not pregnant this month and the thought of seeing all those specialists is driving me a little nuts (not to mention that Vytra still hasn't gotten back to me about my benefits) or what - But I AM TOTALLY GOING CRAZY LATELY!

When I am at work - I think about all the things I need to do at home (fyi - I am writing this at work) and when I am home - I am thinking about everything that I should have done at work! It is like a vicious cycle that I can't get out of - Maybe I should start going to Yoga or something - except that I would probably stress about how to fit that into my schedule!

OK - sorry - I am usually more upbeat but today I just don't have the energy!!

Jess: Way to go on the EWCM!
Jaime: Still Holding out Hope for you!
Lesley: Ditto for you girl, and where have you been - I miss you!
Ally: Give a rub to the triplets!!
Jenna: Stop reading this and get some homework done!!!

Talk to everyone later!

Zippy G.

CD 32

CD 32
6dpo
monitor: low
mood: tired
Temp. major dip - below coverline - just like last two non-pregnant months
phantom symptoms - boobs hurt a little and cramping- just like last two non-pregnant months


OK - so Phantom of the Opera was AWESOME! of course - the voices of the people on Broadway are incredible - I wish we all went together.

Something weird happened to me though - As soon as I came out of Penn Station I broke out in hives all over my face and legs - I looked like a prize fighter - once I went indoors it went away - only to return the next time I went outside. This happened 3 times and today my face is still puffy.

I know I should go to the doctor - but it is Saturday and the office is not open - and I have to work all day - If I am still swollen on Monday I will try to make an appointment.

Hope is dwindling for this cycle for me - I got a huge temp dip below the coverline today - normally - that would make someone excited right? Implantation Dip perhaps? But no - apparently I get this dip EVERY month at 6dpo - check out my Chart and you can see I am not just being pessimistic.

I am getting really frustrated - I don't want to go for the IUI - I don't want my husband to go through all of this testing - I want to get pregnant - why the hell can't I get pregnant???? My son has been talking about having a brother or sister lately. (His cousin has a little brother and now he wants one). It is so hard to explain to him "maybe someday" and it upsets me that I just can't give him what he wants - what we all want.

OK - I am going to stop now - it is going to be a long day and I don't want to dig myself deeper into this depression hole when I can't crawl under the covers and hide from the world.

I missed you guys yesterday. Hope to talk to you all soon.