Say cheese! 

"I'm gonna get Daddy with this big snowball!" 

"I'll shovel for you Mommy!" 

It's COLD! 

Out front - I thought there was a truck here somewhere? 

Footprints 

Out in the backyard 

The only poem I can recite

Stopping by Woods on Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.



I posted some pictures below so you can see what it is looking like here in NY - we are in the middle of a pretty big storm and they are predicting about 22 inches!!! I went to Sam's club this afternoon and filled up on supplies. We are all set for a weekend in the house.

I don't have much to talk about on the ttc front - I am on cd3 so not much to tell.

I hope to talk to everyone soon.

The woods are lovely dark and deep 

The only thing you will get out of this pump today is Ice! 

No birds eating here today! 

My Poor Jeep! 

Outside my front gate 

some more 

What it looks like outside 

I am not thinking about babies

Today, even though I had a conversation about trying to conceive with Jenna, even though I tried (and hopefully succeeded) in trying to cheer Allie up from the ttc blues, even though I was on the phone with my insurance company for an hour determining whether I need a referral for the HSG (I don't) and the Semen Analysis (I do) - I just realized that right at this moment I am not thinking about babies.

This is a big step for me - as I feel like I am slowly becoming obsessed with trying to get pregnant again. I am surfing the net for things that are NOT related with trying to conceive - I am playing with my son, I baked cookies and made dinner for my family - the family that I have - not the family that I fantasize about. I realize that I am getting tired of this - I am getting tired of another child consuming my every move - it is the first thing I must think about in the morning since I have to take my temperature - it is the last thing I think about at night because I have to make sure the thermometer is by my bed.

I am tired of this - I am tired of the testing - I am tired of peeing on sticks and licking microscopes. I am tired of the two weeks of hell after I ovulate. I am tired of telling my husband that we "have" to do it tonight. I am finally being proactive and getting the HSG done and going on the Clomid and all I feel right now is ambivalence. I know testing is the right thing to do but it seems like once I start the testing then I will be even more stressed than before because with each new step you take that is one less option you have if it doesn't work - is that a horribly pessimistic thing to say? I am on cycle day 3 so I am sure I have some left-over PMS that is at work here but I am so ready to cancel the appointment on Wednesday and just say "fuck it"!

I am worried about what the sperm analysis will say - if something is wrong how will my husband feel? Will he feel like less of a man? Will I be angry if something is up with him? Will he be angry with me if I have a problem? All of the "what ifs" have driven me to the point where I don't care anymore and I hate feeling that way. I hate that trying to get pregnant isn't this exciting wonderful time that it should be. I am becoming resentful of every pregnant woman I see and I hate that as well - why should I begrudge another woman having a baby because I can't?

Well, it is time for me to shut down this computer - Joey wants to play with his globe and I want to play with him! I am tired and I have to be up early for work tomorrow unfortunately. I have to make sure I am on time because we are supposed to be getting a huge snow storm tomorrow so I may have to leave early.

It is 8:30 here which means it is 7:30 by Ally and around noon by Lesley - I was hoping I would catch you guys online - sorry I missed you. I will talk to you all tomorrow.

Bye

CD 3

I am on Cycle Day 3 - therefore nothing interesting going on. I am home from work today which is a good thing - I am getting so tired of the daily grind - I really am.
Joey is sitting in the kitchen sink with his rubber duckies after an unfortunate incident with some poop. Not fun!

5 days and counting until the test - I am a little nervous but felt better after reading some of the posts.

I am on the phone right now with the insurance company - I am getting such a runaround with these tests. I know they are covered but I still need to get a referral for some reason - this is so annoying I can't take it!!!......OK - just got off the phone - I don't need a referral but my husband does!! This is so annoying!!!!!

Well, this seems to be an everyday occurence but I don'thave much to say right now! I will write more later.

Oops! 

My boo boo hurts! 

I am outta here 

Where are you running to? 

Get this snow off my mittens 

Making Snow Angels 

Are you talking to Me? 

Hello

OK - here I am today - looking obsessively online for information on the HSG test that I am taking next week. I am also starting at the prescription for my husbands semen analysis - and trying to figure out when we will be able to get that done. I have to call up and make an appointment - which I am not looking forward to at all!! I am also not looking forward to breaking the news to him that we have a definate date - He knows in theory that this has to be done - but well, the theory and the actual doing it are two different things!

OK - so I am going to call now......They need to call me back.

This is crazy - I never believed I would have to go through all of this crap. I am getting tired of it all!!!!

I will be ok though - I always am - just a little crampy and moody I guess. I am waiting for my husband to come home with my dunkachino! I am having withdrawals (Sorry Ally).

Today was Joey's last Mommy and Me class. He did so well!!! He did all the singing and dancing - I was very proud of him. I have to sign him up for preschool soon - before the end of this month. I am not looking forward to it at all! He is getting so big!

OK - so that is it for now -not much of any interest!

Hey - Finally the first voice blog posted

That was weird!!!

The first audio blog that posted was the second one I did. The second one that posted was the first one I recorded. Oh well, I will keep both on (in the most recently posted audio Joey says Lesleys name clearer than the older post).

Talk to you guys soon.

AF has Arrived

Yup - AF has arrived, right on schedule!! One day after big temp drop!! I am on the phone with the hospital now making an appointment for HSG. This sucks!

Later this morning.....

OK the hospital just called back - my appointment is on Wed. morning at 9:30 am. I am very nervous but trying to put it out of my mind. Hopefully all will be ok and doc will give me the Clomid.

I am doing ok though - that is the one good thing about charting your temp. Once you see it drop you know AF is coming so you have some time (I usually have 24 hours) to prepare yourself. That way when you see the bitch you have already dealt with it. There were actually no tears this month - no "Why Me?'s". I will move forward with the testing and hope for the best.

Ally, I hope you had a good day today - you lucky thing you!!

Lesley - Thanks for the words of encouragement on your blog - you are awesome!

Talk to you soon.
Jenn

CD 39 of 39

OK - so here I am at cd 39 of 39 - no AF to speak of. My temperature did drop about 1/2 degree but I am still over my coverline about .3 degrees. Last month my temp dropped below coverline on day 14 and I got AF on day 15 (after ovulation). Sooo, If my temp is still up tomorrow above coverline, I will get buy more of those damn sticks and test on Wednesday.

My boobs still hurt like my husband has been using them as punching bags!! That is it though. Actually a little while ago I started feeling just a little bit crampy - which is probably an indication of AF coming.

I am not getting too optimistic - as Ally said this morning - two letdowns in one month is just too much.

My son did not go to sleep until midnight last night!! He fell asleep at 3pm and didn't wake up until 5 - so he was wide awake all night!!!! Damn late naps!!

Well, I am writing this at work - just wanted to give a quick update - I will write more later.

OK -so maybe I am a moody psycho

When I was pregnant with Joey 


OK - so maybe I am a moody, emotional psycho. Maybe I am suffering from a classic case of PMS. Hell, maybe I am having a nervous breakdown. But I am sitting here mourning a pregnancy that I may never have instead of thanking God that I was able to experience it just once. I know what it is like to have a baby growing inside of me, to feel the first movement and hear the heartbeat for the first time.

I know what it is like to tell my husband that I am pregnant, what it is like to hold my baby in my arms moments after he was brought into this world. I know what it is like to feed, clothe, bathe, diaper, kiss, hug and love my own child. Do I want another one - of course - but look what an amazing thing I have already been blessed with. Look how lucky I am already when there are so many women who can't even have one.

So this is to God:
Dear God,
Thank you so much for my family. For my wonderful husband, with all of his faults and idiosynchracies (sp?). Thank you for my son - the most amazing little boy I feel was put on this earth.
I admit I will still ask you for another child - but if it is not in the plan for me to have another - thank you so much for what you have already given me. Watching this little boy grow has been the most amazing humbling heartbreaking experience of my life. Thank you for my little miracle.
Amen

To Ally and Lesley: Thank you guys so much for being there for me and for understanding what I have been going through. Thank you for making me laugh and not laughing at me. While this whole trying to conceive stuff sucks - I am so glad that I met the two of you.

To my husband: Thank you for not divorcing your crazy, temp taking, stick peeing, baby obsessed wife - you are an amazing man. NO matter what happens in our life, you will be mine forever - so get used to it!

Still Negative

Well, looks like no pregnancy for me. I am due tomorrow but still a BFN. So I guess that is it.

I had my nephew's birthday party yesterday - that kid is too cute - he is a little red-headed roast beef!!! I can't believe he is a year old already.

You know what? I don't have much to say today - I am bummed about the negative - although I am trying not to, I feel like I am stressing. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

15 things to do at Walmart while spouse is taking their sweet time.....

My friend Melissa sent this to me - Very Funny!!!


Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet

time:


1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they
aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 2-minute intervals.

3 Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest

rooms.

4 Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code

3' in housewares an d see what happens.

5 Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6 Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7 Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers

you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8 When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why

can't you people just leave me alone?'

9 Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick

your nose.

10 While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti-depressants are.

11 Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible"
theme.

12 In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size
funnels.

13 Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position
and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15 Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell,
very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

What is in a name

Saw this on both Jaime's and Jenna's blog (hope you don't mind girls).... Very interesting....


Even though the name Jennifer creates the urge to be artistically creative and original, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the nervous system, and tension or accidents to the head.

The name Jennifer creates a dual nature in that you can be very generous and understanding, but you can also be so candid in your expression that you create misunderstanding. You struggle with the requirement to soften your expression with tact and diplomacy and to consider the feelings of others. Difficulty in accepting advice or admitting that you may have made a mistake causes you to appear to be stubborn and set in your ways. Thus, you have too often created the wrong impression, and friendships have suffered.

http://www.kabalarians.com/Index.cfm

This sucks This Sucks This Sucks1!!

OK - so I haven't posted in a couple of days because I don't know what the fuck is going on with me!
Yesterday, to my amazing delight, I got a positive hpt!!!! It wasn't an imaginary line, both my husband saw it and my best friend. I spent the whole day in a huge state of euphoria - "I am pregnant!! I am finally pregnant!!!!" I tried not to get too excited - it was a faint line after all. I knew I would feel better when I got a darker line - or even a second faint line would have been enough for me.

I don't know if it was the excitement that brought the migraine on but starting at about 10am my head started pounding a little bit and I felt nauseous - maybe I am actually getting the proverbial "morning sickness". Well, I don't care how bad my head hurts - I am not going to take anything because I am going to have a baby!!!!!

As the headache got worse I tried not to think about it - I just thought about this amazing baby growing inside me.

That afternoon I took another test - Negative. But, it had been only 2 hours since I last went to the bathroom so chances are the hcg didn't have time to build up - I mean it was light with first morning urine - so I still was very optimistic.

Fast forward to 9:30 at night - 3 1/2 hours since I last went to the bathroom - still Negative. OK - well we just got home from dinner, I drank some soda and water - the box says not to drink for 3 hours before you take the test - still a little hopeful but slowly the doubt is taking over.

5:45 this morning - My head is pounding uncontrollably - the damp washcloth that I had over my eyes all night has long since gone dry. My alarm rings - I take my temp - 98.3 - wow!!!! that is 1/2 degree higher than yesterday - that is a good sign!!! I know I am going to get a positive now! Well, too late to make a long story short - Negative - sure I imagined a faint line - but I know it wasn't there.

The kicker? Yesterday's positive is still positive, my boobs still hurt - both of them. At least my headache is gone - I took two advil after I got the negative.

My husband tells me not to get too discouraged - he said that I am still not due for AF for two days -it still may be too early - the same old crap - but I know better than to hope. I just feel so stupid - never again am I going to buy these stupid cheap internet tests!! This is the 2nd false positive I have gotten with them!!!!

This sucks! This Sucks! This Sucks! I am out of tests and I don't even have the urge to go buy any more. I know on Tuesday I will see a huge temp drop and AF will be here. Mother Nature sure has a sick twisted sense of humor.

Side note to Ally - Sorry - just couldn't get on the computer this morning.
Side to Lesley - Glad you are feeling better today. Hope we get the chance to talk tonight.

Just a quick one

Just a quick one to say:

1. My boobs are still hurting - both of them.
2. I LOVE MY NEW WASHER AND DRYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Yeah - and if you get a chance read the daily quotes link on the left - Yogi Berra was a trip and a half!

Let's hear it for one more BFN Damnit!!

OK - cd 35, 10dpo, 4 days till AF and another BFN!!! I imagined seeing a shadow line but I know it was my imagination. Had to be at work today at 7 so I am exhausted!! Had to make sure I was on time b/c boss bitched about my being late but disguised it as concern (he doesn't complain when I come in on my day off or if I stay late though).

I am tired and aggravated, disappointed, discouraged, angry, sad, befuddled, disenchanted, annoyed - the list is endless.

I know girls "De-Stress"

I will write more later while I am doing tons of laundry (yeah it is finally hooked up!)

cd 34; 9dpo

OK it is cycle day 34 and nine days post ovulation. I got yet another BFN and the "chin up" facade is starting to wear off - I am getting very discouraged. My boobs are still sore - both of them - which, as strange as it may sound, may actually be a good sign, b/c when I am expecting AF only the right one hurts - I know very strange - but then I never claimed to be anything else.

Sore boobs are the only thing that I could construe as possible pg symptoms - I am not overly exhausted or emotional - I actually have been quite calm lately - and of course, the big anti-symptom the BFN. So as it stands today, I just don't know what is going on.

I would love to say - well, I am not going to take another test until I am due but I know I won't - the longest I will be able to last is until Saturday - so I am not even going to make an empty promise.

I had Mommy and Me with Joey this morning - he usually does really well with the other kids - he shares and isn't pushy but today he was in a mood or something because he had some confrontations with a couple of kids - I would love to be able to blame it on "those other little brats" but truth is - today my son was the brat - and really none of the kids in this particular class is a brat -which is unique because there always is one or two.

We finally got the converter for the our new dryer - which is good because I am almost out of drawers - ha ha - actually - not that funny.

OK - so this wasn't very interesting today - sorry they can't all be winners. Hopefully tomorrow I will be more inspired.

9:50 at night

It is almost 10:00 at night - my son is watching animaniacs - we just finished building a castle and knocking it down like dinosaurs! I have to put him to bed in 10 minutes - but I have been reviewing some charts and noted that the earliest really any hpt come out positive after the implantation dip is 4 days - so I am still not hopeless - since I am only 2 days past the dip.

Some charts did not report a + hpt until 6-12 days later - so it aint over till Flo decides to sing (and I hope I shoved her mouth full of socks this month!)

My boobs hurt just a tiny bit - which really isn't a sign of pregnancy as much as it is a sign of AF - when I get pregnant my boobs hurt so much that I almost cry - like someone used them for punching bags (which I practically have been doing poking them to check if they hurt.) It also could be that they are bruised!!!!!!!

I have one more test left (I broke down and took one this afternoon) but the other tests were delivered to my PO box (I tracked online) so I won't have a day without the test! (ha ha - i know I have serious issues!!!!!!)

Well, animaniacs is now over - so I have to go put little man in bed.

Here I am again - another BFN

It is cd33 - 5-6 days before I expect AF. I tested this morning and got a BFN - I am 8 days post ovulation and praying for symptoms, some kind of symptoms. I made my husband listen to my belly this morning to tell me if he heard a baby growing - he humors me - one of the reasons I love him so much. (all he could hear was my stomach growling)

I want another child so bad - but this morning - my son asked me for some juice -and gave me this cutesy look - I can't explain it but he had a closed mouth smile, tilted his head and squinted his eyes a bit - almost like "you know you can't resist me - go get the juice" and I knew - at that moment that if God sees fit not to give me another - then it would be ok - my boy is enough. I got so lucky with him - he is smart, beautiful, funny, healthy - everything a mother could want and I am so thankful that he is in my life.

That is not to say I will not continue to try, and go through what I have to, but it is comforting to know that I will be ok in the end - no matter how it turns out. That is a good feeling.

Well, I have two more tests - one for tomorrow and one for Friday - by that time my other tests should be in the mail so I will test for the 5 days after that - unless I get AF, then it will be back to Day 1.

Side note to Ally: you go girl!!! I am so happy that you got the response you wanted! You deserve it - January me, February you and March Lesley!!!

Another Side Note: PW - what the hell is up with the board - let's go already!!!!

cd 32, 7 dpo

OK - so here I am on cycle day 32 and 7 days post ovulation. I bought more tests today (can't wait for the tests to come in the mail). So I will test 8, 9 & 10 dpo and then I should have my web tests and will test from days 11 - 15 - how sad am I???

I am tired today - I worked a 10 hour day so I am ready for bed now - 10 hours seems like alot - but the other two days of the week that I work, I will only have to be there until noon - so that works. Joey was home with his dad today.

We got our washer and dryer today, only to find out the store does not have the converter - now I have to wait until Thursday to do laundry - I am going to be doing laundry for a week straight - I am so backed up!


No symptoms really to speak of (damn-it). I keep imagining that my boobs hurt - but they don't - and if they do it is just slightly, like I am getting AF. I hope that is not the case.

Anyway, I don't think I have too much to say today. Hopefully tomorrow I will be more articulate and interesting.

Quick Note

Just a quick note - got a BFN again - but my temp shot up this morning - which means a one day dip - could it be??? Check out my chart again:

My Chart


Also, Stacia told Ally I tested too Early - I ordered more tests (I am out of tests already - I know I am sad) So I should be testing again in about 3 day - Pray for sore boobies!!!!

I will write more later.

What is going on with my temps?????

OK - so temp was 97.4 at 6:45am (an hour later than I usually take it) so I used the converter on FF, and they adjusted it to 97.2 - well that temp is below my coverline (97.4 would have been AT coverline) and a full .8 degrees less than yesterday!!!!

What is going on? I am on day 6 of my cycle and I normally have a 14 day LP!!! Hopefully it was just a glitch (or maybe, hope of all hopes, an implantation dip!)
I am going to try to figure out how to link my chart so you can see for yourself - hold on.....

My Chart - look at 2nd one

OK - that may have done it - not really sure though - look at the second chart (1st one is an overlay - what the hell is that? and 3rd one is last month)

Well, have to go - I am at work - just wanted to take a minute to say "Hi".

OH yeah - I have already taken 3 tests - which was detailed yesterday - I have one more left which I will try to hold off from taking until at least cd10 (doubt it is going to happen though) but by then I should be getting my Aim Midstream tests in the mail from webwomb.com.

We shall see - sorry my quote isn't updated yet today - I will try soon.

Christmas 

Joe Cool 

This is too funny

Check out this guy singing.... Too Funny....
Singing Video guy

The Positive, the Negative and the Psychic

OK - so here is the story. Ally set me up with a woman who reads your cards from the PW board. Although I was nervous, and not quite sure if I believed in this or not - I went for it.
Stacia contacted me and told me to concentrate on a question:

"Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant?"

Stacia: You will Succeed.

(Ok what - the question was yes or no - am I pregnant or not????)

Stacia: You need to de-stress.

(again - ok, what? Who the hell in this world doesn't need to de-stress - I mean de-stress, I can read any half assed 'get yourself knocked up' book and they will tell me to de-stress. And speaking of de-stress, how exactly does someone go about de-stressing? Between their toddler, their husband, their job, their family and everything else - do you mean I have to NOW fit in time to "De-Stress" Well great, now I am stressing about De-stressing)

Stacia - they don't give me a time frame though
Me - oh ok

Stacia - I will try to do another read
Me - ok

after a little while.....

Stacia - soon

(soon when, two months two years - what is soon?)

But then she says.....

I would test soon though - like within the next couple of weeks

(speechless)

Just a feeling I have

(still speechless)

Ally im's me:

Ally: What is your feeling on Jenn
Stacia: She needs to destress or she won't be happy in the end
Stacia: If she is pregnant now (what? o my god) then she will be in a few months

(still speechless)

So dear readers (of which there is all of 1 of you) of course, I took a test last night only to see a big - sign.

Of course, I imagined seeing a faint vertical line - could that be a + ? Is it my imagination? Babe, look at this, is there a line?

Babe: I don't really see it

Ok, probably just imagining it.

45 minutes later after fishing the stick out of the garbage

That is a line - o my god - there is a + on this stick, babe, come look at this

Babe: Well that looks like a + but it could be just a stray line (us ttcers know that is called an 'evaporation line'

Well, if it is positive, it will be tomorrow morning too.

Fast forward to 5:45 am:
Look at last nights test - that is definately a + sign - well, here goes nothing.

Damn it - a BFN! not even an imaginary line. Well, let me leave it here and I will look again in a few hours

Fast forward a few hours - Nope - still BFN

Fast forward to right this second - hold on while I fish this out of the garbage....
STill BFN.

So there you have it - back at square 1. I am totally confused. Well, excuse me now b/c I am going to take another test so much for buying in bulk!!



But......

Here I am

Here I am, cd 29 and the doubt is starting to set in. The questioning of the feelings -

"Do my boobs hurt?" (yeah they hurt - you are poking them every ten minutes - they are bruised stupid)

"I am cramping, could it be implantation cramping? Am I getting my period? Do I have some strange abdominal cramping disease thingy" (probably not, probably, doubt it highly)

"Do I feel any different - do I 'just know' I am pregnant?" (Nope and Nope)

I told Lesley and Ally that I was going to be totally optimistic - I was going to fantasize about baby clothes, new cribs, a moses basket (aaawwww), onesies, sleepers, that baby smell - but truth be known - I am back to the pessimistic "chances are you aren't" mood - I am so trying to break this habit but so many BFN and you tend to expect what you are used to.

I am trying to keep my chin up - but I cramped this time last month and wasn't pregnant so I am thinking no - ha ha Jenn, you will need to go get iodine shot up into God knows Where next month.

I tried to ask God for a sign - I am such an information age junkie that I emailed him (you can you know the email address is: God@deargod.com , I am sure there is someone laughing their butt off at all of the prayers that come in - but I am not good at praying - but I am a damn good typist. I find that I can free-flow on the keyboard much better than with my mouth. Still waiting for the sign - or at least waiting to recognize one!!!!! The sign probably is no sign.

Ally and Lesley got a reading last night from Stacia - she told both of them that they will be having babies soon. Ally said she would set up an introduction but I feel kind of weird saying "Hi, my name is Jennifer - am I pregnant - will I be soon???" When I don'teven know her really. Well, maybe she will take pity on a poor desperate soul! Or at least tell me "Give it up lady, it aint gonna happen"

OK, definately in a mood....

On a better note - my son is absolutely the best!! One of our clients today gave me an outfit for Joe - and at first I wasn't sure about it - it is definately unconventional - it is a cream colored thermal shirt with flannel pants that have pinecones on them - I know - just like it sounds (kind of like - What the hell???) But he is walking around in these things and he looks absolutely adorable!!!!! (Just don't tell my brother PJ who was appalled that I was going to put him in the pants!)

The Pregnancy Weekly Board is still down - this site better be awesome for the amount of time it is taking them to get it back up!! It is so annoying!!!

Well, I am going to see if anyone is on - I doubt Lesley will be - It is 10am where she is - Ally might be on though.

I will write more tomorrow (uuugggghhhh I have to go buy a new washer and dryer tomorrow - not looking forward to it - Thank God for 15 months interest free financing!!!)

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Happy Birthday Grandma!! We miss you and love you so much!

Hello

Well, I am on cd 28 - normally a day where a woman would take her pregnancy test - but not me - I am only 4dpo! Damn long cycles! I have now had 4 temps at the 97.5 range and fertility friend has changed my ovulation date to cd25 - that means bd 4 days before ovulation and a "high" chance of conception. Last month we just had a "good" chance. So we shall see. I really hope I am pregnant this time. I can't wait to be pregnant again and feel a baby growing inside me - my son has even started saying he wants to be a big brother!!!!

OK - well, have lots to do and only a little time to do it - I will write more later.

Where the Hell is the PW Board?????

OK - just need to vent - PW board has had a message that the board will be on later today - for three days - what the hell is up with that.

OK - I feel better, thanks.

OK - a little confused but not really

OK - so I woke up this morning at 4:15 am - the baby was in the bed with us (what else is new) and I wasn't sure if I was going to get back to sleep - so I took the temp which would have been 1 1/2 hours early. So the temp was 96.9. I read somewhere that for every additional 15 minutes you sleep add .2 to the temp - so that would be .2 x 6 = 1.2 + 96.9 = 98.1 5:45 temp - I don't think that is accurate - I fell asleep and woke up again at 5:45 - my temp was 97.5 - pressed snooze - woke up again at 7 - temp was 98.

Very confused now - I input 97.5 into fertility friend - which is the same area it has been in. I am so anxious right now - one more week and I can take my first sensitive test!!

Joey is so cute - he absolutely doesn't want a baby brother! He says he wants a sister (He also says that boys have babies so go figure!)

Crossing my fingers for one more week - will write more later.

Definately a Spike

Well, this morning my temp was 97.6 so I have definately ovulated - well, if my temp is still up tomorrow around the same it was this morning than I can say definitively that I ovulated on teh 24th or 25th cycle day -If I ovulated on 24th then I bd 3 days before and the day of ovulation. If the 25th, than I bd the 4 days before ovulation - either way I should still have a good chance. I hope I hope I hope.

Joey was so good at Mommy and Me today - he shared the toys so well, I was very proud of him - he is getting so big now, it almost makes me sad to watch him do all of the things that he does - where did my little boy go???

I was going to do a separation class in the Spring for him but decided against it - maybe I will do in the summer - but for now Miss Doreen (his teacher) said they will be gearing his class more towards a preschool setting - starting to do the alphabet, story time by itself - not with their snack, things like that. I called the Preschool today - they are sending me information - if I sign up before 1/31 I will get this year's rate - so that should be good - either way it is going to cost me an arm and a leg - It sucks that my school district doesn't offer Pre-K.

Well, I have some things to do - 8 more days and I can take my first test!!!! I know, I know, I am pushing it to test on day 10 - but I have four tests so I will test on the 10th, 11th, 12th and 13th day - I try to pretend that I will wait until AF is due - but I know I probably won't~

I will write more later.

ok - so the boards at PW are not up right now

Since the boards aren't up I had to write somewhere. I HATE THIS TWO WEEK WAIT!!!!
I am only 2dpo and I am already discouraged - how bad is that??? I just can't imagine seeing two lines on a test. I don't know if I will be able to take it if I get another negative. I am getting so tired of all of this trying. I want to make love to my husband on a whim - not because I have to - that is the most frustrating part - and knowing if we don't do it at this exact moment and at in this exact position - we will lose our opportunity for that month.

I was joking with my husband tonight and I told him that I had a full fern pattern - His face said everything - I know he is getting so tired of this as well.

OK, I have to go - I am going to blog myself right into a pissy mood - I am going to go read my book. (The Godfather Returns)

If I was pregnant - my calendar is here

OK - so I know I am totally jumping the gun but I tend to start reading about what is going on with my body if I am in fact pregnant from like the point of conception. The link I posted is my current week calendar - I know very sad and pathetic!!!

Houston, I think we have a Spike

OK - so this morning my temp was 97.4 - which is higher than it has been all month - so I am officially calling it my spike.

Fertility Friend still lists my ovulation day as cd 17 (I am now on cd 26) but if I put in temps for the next three days around the same as todays (97.4) they change my ovulation date to 25 - which give me 4 bd days before Ovulation - although, if you go by CM and scope - I really think I o'd on cd 24 - which gives me 3 days before and the day of - either way - I should be covered. If it doesn't happen this month than something is going on - b/c my cervix has not been without sperm for the past week!!!!! (ok, gross and TMI)

I don't have work today - which is good b/c it is hailing (sp?) and very slippery - so I think I am going to veg in the house all day!!!!

I am crossing my fingers for another high temp tomorrow morning - then I will know I definately o'd and can officially begin my two week agonizing wait!!!! I hate this part! If I ovulated yesterday that would be January 4th - add 14 days, I will be due around the 18th - which means the earliest I can really test is the 15th!!!! UUUGGGHHHH!!! This is going to be the longest 10 days of my life!!!!!

Well, at least I haven't gotten my tests in the mail yet - or I would have already taken one two dpo!!!! I am so pathetic!!!

This was a slow month on the board - there was only two BFP, a third woman had a positive but it turned out to be just the sac - no baby.

I hope that is not an indication of my outcome!!! If I am pregnant I will be due around September 23rd (although they will put my due date at around the 13th based on the first day of my last period).

Well, let me go give my boy some lunch - Maybe I will write later - probably not - not much to say - hopefully in two weeks this will turn into a pregnancy blog and not a ttc blog!!

Tuesday Night - and I am not doing it tonight!!

Well, it is Tuesday night - I did the ovulation scope when I got home - a little bit of ferning - but not enough to bd again!!!! I am so tired. I am trying to get my boy to go to bed so I can sack out - Funny, yesterday I was trying to get him down so I could fool around - today I just want to sleep.

Thank God I don't have to work tomorrow - I am so tired.

Work......I know I have a good deal there - but sometimes I feel like it never ends. Every day there is another crisis I have to deal with - and not just me - F & K work their butts off too. I get to the point where - when I am at work, I am thinking of all of the things I should be doing at home. When I am at home I am thinking of all of the things that need to be done at work. I have a hard time concentrating anywhere!!!

Oh well, who cares about that stuff.

I ordered my pregnancy tests already - how sad - and I haven't even officially ovulated yet!

They should be here in a day or two - I ordered 4 tests - so that will last me for a week. I am going to try so hard not to test until:

1. Two weeks after I see a temperature spike or
2. I start feeling some symptoms. With both of my pregnancies I started getting symptoms (sore boobs and extremely tired) about a week before I was due (which would be about a week after I ovulate).

I really hope this is the month - We have tried so hard this month - we bd twice when the opk was positive (on cd 15 & 16) and four times around my normal ovulation time (day 20 to day 24).

If it doesn't happen this month I will have to go for the HSG test - not looking forward to that, and my man will have to make nice with a dixie cup (:() Well, I don't want to think about that right now - I just want to get through the next two weeks.

I am so hoping for a BFP!!!!

OK - I am tired. I am going to try to check the board and then cuddle with my boy!!!!!

Still no spike

OK - still no significant spike today - it is 97.1 - 1/10 less than yesterday. Except yesterday I got a full fern pattern - so of course, we bd'd. I was so disappointed when my temp wasn't high today but I read that it can take up to two days for temp to increase after ovulation. If it has not increased tomorrow than I will bd again but tonight I am GETTING SOME REST!!!!

I am so tired! OK, but here is a disgusting side note - day four bd was even better than day one - I guess the more you do it the more you want to!!! At least there is a plus somewhere in this process!

I will write more tonight.

OK - Very confused now

OK - so I come home from work and on a whim lick the old microscope. Well, guess what - Full Damn ferning pattern - full - can you believe it - I never got a full pattern ever!!!!!

I immediately called the man and told him to come home and knock me up!!!!! I made him stop at 7-11 for a cup of coffee to speed those babies up!!!!!

Wish me lots of luck!!! Luck! Luck! Luck!!!

OOOHHH this two week wait is going to kill me this month!!!!

The boys are at the table eating pasta right now - I am going to hop in the shower, then put the baby to bed - and then start the Dance of LOOOVVEEE!!!!

Ok, so I am going now - give me some more luck!!!!

Still no spike

Well, here I am on Day 24 of my cycle and still no visible spike. My temp. is up 2/10 so this could be the beginning of the increase.
I am cramping a bit - I don't know what that means - probably just because I am not used to having sex so much!!! 3 days, 3 times!

If I do ovulate today, according to fertility friend.com my chances of conceiving (based upon when I bd) is very high!! Of course, that would be predicated on my actually ovulating - so we shall see.

OK - I will write more later - this was just an update.

Still no spike

OK - so my husband is Exhausted, I am on day 23 and still no spike. I am afraid to ask him if he wants to try again tonight - I resorted to porn last night so I don't know what I will do tonight.

We had a discussion this afternoon about how far we were willing to go to conceive a second time. I am so afraid that I am concentrating on ttc to the point where I am ignoring Joey. I don't know where my breaking point will be but I guess I have to figure it out sooner or later.

Joey is up - I will write more later - or maybe I won't - I am so tired.