THE TICKER STAYS!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
starting to get a little discouraged
Well, I am not feeling any real symptoms today - and my husband and Ally both believe I am not pregnant - probably because I have always had some type of symptom by now. I am holding out hope because both Heather and Chastity have said that they are not feeling any symptoms and we know that they are good and pregnant.
I was speaking with Ally and she thinks that I should give the IUI with injectibles another two tries - but I really have no desire to go through this again for next two months - I know it can be considered giving up - and I know that most people have been through way more than me for way longer than me - but I am just tired of the whole process now.
I am tired today - my son had a bad night last night - nightmares - so I am hoping he will let me take a nap when I get home! Thankfully, today is my short day!
Well, that is really it - Father's day was uneventful - I will update again after I take my test on Wednesday.
Have a good one everybody!
I was speaking with Ally and she thinks that I should give the IUI with injectibles another two tries - but I really have no desire to go through this again for next two months - I know it can be considered giving up - and I know that most people have been through way more than me for way longer than me - but I am just tired of the whole process now.
I am tired today - my son had a bad night last night - nightmares - so I am hoping he will let me take a nap when I get home! Thankfully, today is my short day!
Well, that is really it - Father's day was uneventful - I will update again after I take my test on Wednesday.
Have a good one everybody!
Saturday, June 18, 2005
So How am i feeling?
Unfortunately, no real symptoms to speak of...my boobs still hurt but they have been hurting since before I ovulated b/c of the gonal f.
I am tired - but it is because I haven't been sleeping too well.
My stomach was really really tender for a few days and my doc said that if it gets worse (which it isn't - it is actually getting better) or if I develop any other symptoms, then I need to call him b/c I could have ovarian hyperstimulation - I did have 9 follicles after all.
No nausea or anything - but I really didn't have that for my other two pregnancies either. It is still really early to feel real symptoms yet. I am waiting for the exhaustion to set in - that with my boobs hurting was always my first clue - even before AF was due.
I have been cramping but that is from the progesterone - I had to go for blood yesterday for a progesterone check and they said it was borderline - 11.5 - my doc likes the level to be up around 15 - so guess what? They doubled my dose. I have to shove that stuff up my cooch 4 times a day now - I actually had to bring some to work with me because I have to do it here - Thank God this is a small office and they all know what I have been going through.
I have enough suppositories to last me until next Saturday - by then I will know if it is positive or negative and whether or not I will need to get a refill - what a pain in the ass.
Other than that - just getting ready for Father's day - my son and I are making cupcakes tonight for my husband (he already got his power washer yesterday) and a picture for Joe's Dad from the baby. We are having a bar-b-que at Joe's sisters' house tomorrow to celebrate with his dad.
I gave my dad 4 tickets to Sunday's yankee game - my boss had 4 extra - lol - I am buying the train tickets and the metro card for him - Happy Father's Day!
What is everyone else doing?
I hope everyone is doing well - I have to catch up on the blogs - so I will comment on everyone's soon - sorry I am such a slacker!
I am tired - but it is because I haven't been sleeping too well.
My stomach was really really tender for a few days and my doc said that if it gets worse (which it isn't - it is actually getting better) or if I develop any other symptoms, then I need to call him b/c I could have ovarian hyperstimulation - I did have 9 follicles after all.
No nausea or anything - but I really didn't have that for my other two pregnancies either. It is still really early to feel real symptoms yet. I am waiting for the exhaustion to set in - that with my boobs hurting was always my first clue - even before AF was due.
I have been cramping but that is from the progesterone - I had to go for blood yesterday for a progesterone check and they said it was borderline - 11.5 - my doc likes the level to be up around 15 - so guess what? They doubled my dose. I have to shove that stuff up my cooch 4 times a day now - I actually had to bring some to work with me because I have to do it here - Thank God this is a small office and they all know what I have been going through.
I have enough suppositories to last me until next Saturday - by then I will know if it is positive or negative and whether or not I will need to get a refill - what a pain in the ass.
Other than that - just getting ready for Father's day - my son and I are making cupcakes tonight for my husband (he already got his power washer yesterday) and a picture for Joe's Dad from the baby. We are having a bar-b-que at Joe's sisters' house tomorrow to celebrate with his dad.
I gave my dad 4 tickets to Sunday's yankee game - my boss had 4 extra - lol - I am buying the train tickets and the metro card for him - Happy Father's Day!
What is everyone else doing?
I hope everyone is doing well - I have to catch up on the blogs - so I will comment on everyone's soon - sorry I am such a slacker!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Now As per Ally's Request....
As you can see, and as ordered by Ally, I have again posted a ticker this month. I even got really ballsy and posted it with twin babies - How is that for OPTIMISTIC?????
Now, let's pray that I don't need to take the ticker down - lots of prayers - I am getting really hopeful this month and it is scaring the crap out of me!
Have a good day ladies!
Now, let's pray that I don't need to take the ticker down - lots of prayers - I am getting really hopeful this month and it is scaring the crap out of me!
Have a good day ladies!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Phantom Symptoms
OK - so here we go - 4dpIUI and already the analysis begins! I am so pathetic!!!
Well, my boobs are killing me - but I know it is from the Gonal-F and not from a potential pregnancy since:
1. If I was pregnant, implantation most likely hasn't even taken place yet!
2. My boobs were killing me before I even ovulated - so give it up Jenn!
The only other thing I am feeling right now is VERY VERY bloated and tender in my lower abdomen - it almost feels like - and again, skip over this part if you gross out easily - like huge gas pains in my stomach - like if I just could let a really big one go then I would be fine!!!!!
So that is it for me - still continuing on the Progesterone twice a day (Gross)!
I go for a Progesterone Check on Friday and then the Blood Pregnancy Test the following Friday. I think I will be taking a FRED on the 22nd - so that means only 8 more days to go!
Hope everyone is doing well!
Well, my boobs are killing me - but I know it is from the Gonal-F and not from a potential pregnancy since:
1. If I was pregnant, implantation most likely hasn't even taken place yet!
2. My boobs were killing me before I even ovulated - so give it up Jenn!
The only other thing I am feeling right now is VERY VERY bloated and tender in my lower abdomen - it almost feels like - and again, skip over this part if you gross out easily - like huge gas pains in my stomach - like if I just could let a really big one go then I would be fine!!!!!
So that is it for me - still continuing on the Progesterone twice a day (Gross)!
I go for a Progesterone Check on Friday and then the Blood Pregnancy Test the following Friday. I think I will be taking a FRED on the 22nd - so that means only 8 more days to go!
Hope everyone is doing well!
Monday, June 13, 2005
As per Jess' request....
OK - sorry I have not updated - alot going on lately.
So here is my update....I went to the doc on Thursday and I had NINE follicles sized 13-18mm. Since I had so many my doctor told me that I should consider canceling the cycle since I have a 15-20% chance of having 3 or more with so many follicles!
I went home and talked it over with my husband, who promptly told me "We have come this far, and after everything you have been through, we are not canceling this cycle - we said this was it - let's do it!"
Me: "uh ok, if you are sure - because if I have a 15-20% chance of 3 or more then the chance of twins has to be around 40-50% (although I didn't ask my doc about this)"
Joe: "So, if we have 3 or 4 then we just go bankrupt - no big deal!!"
Me: "OK then - let's do this"
- I called my doctor and Joe gave me the Ovidrel trigger shot at 10:30am.
First IUI was on Friday - it had been awhile since Joe and I had danced - the day of the IUI is supposed to be from 2-7 days since his last "release".
Well, I kind of lied (no kind of about it - I lied). It had been 8 days, but I put that it was only 7 - I figured with 9 follicles it would have been ok.
Wouldn't you know it - Joe had (ok alert - going to be VERY CRUDE HERE)
(LAST CHANCE -HERE IT COMES)
(OK - Don't say I didn't warn you!)
Joe had a banner fucking load that morning apparently, because all of his levels were way above average. That first IUI they injected 18.6 MILLION sperm into me!!!! HOLY SHIT! Even the doctor said "This is a very good specimin!" So when I have 9 follicles is when Joe decides to step up to the plate !
2nd IUI was on Saturday - the specimin was back down to just average (since he had the 4th of July the day before) and there was only 6.2million on Saturday. So in total, I have had 24.8 million sperm inside me looking for 9 eggs! Basically - if I am not pregnant this month, then I am never getting pregnant!
Now I am going to tell you something that probably reflects bad on me - but Hey we are all honest here in blogland!
Since I had so many follicles, I felt so full for about 3 days - it feels like you have a bunch of really big gas bubbles in your abdomen (sp?) and it is kind of crampy.
So the day of the first IUI, he said "you are going to feel some pressure from the speculum"
He inserted the speculum and I was like (not out loud) "Hey, that doesn't feel so bad - it kind of relieves the pressure!" Of course, I didn't tell my doctor that - he would have looked at me like a freak - and on Saturday it went back to being totally uncomfortable - but hey - want to give you the whole experience.
SO....I started progesterone yesterday, I will go for a check at the end of this week, and a blood test around the 23rd or 24th - I will probably take a FRED on the 22nd - so we are just 9 short days away from the results!
As a side note....what the fuck is up with PW????? What a pain in the ass! Have a good one everybody!
So here is my update....I went to the doc on Thursday and I had NINE follicles sized 13-18mm. Since I had so many my doctor told me that I should consider canceling the cycle since I have a 15-20% chance of having 3 or more with so many follicles!
I went home and talked it over with my husband, who promptly told me "We have come this far, and after everything you have been through, we are not canceling this cycle - we said this was it - let's do it!"
Me: "uh ok, if you are sure - because if I have a 15-20% chance of 3 or more then the chance of twins has to be around 40-50% (although I didn't ask my doc about this)"
Joe: "So, if we have 3 or 4 then we just go bankrupt - no big deal!!"
Me: "OK then - let's do this"
- I called my doctor and Joe gave me the Ovidrel trigger shot at 10:30am.
First IUI was on Friday - it had been awhile since Joe and I had danced - the day of the IUI is supposed to be from 2-7 days since his last "release".
Well, I kind of lied (no kind of about it - I lied). It had been 8 days, but I put that it was only 7 - I figured with 9 follicles it would have been ok.
Wouldn't you know it - Joe had (ok alert - going to be VERY CRUDE HERE)
(LAST CHANCE -HERE IT COMES)
(OK - Don't say I didn't warn you!)
Joe had a banner fucking load that morning apparently, because all of his levels were way above average. That first IUI they injected 18.6 MILLION sperm into me!!!! HOLY SHIT! Even the doctor said "This is a very good specimin!" So when I have 9 follicles is when Joe decides to step up to the plate !
2nd IUI was on Saturday - the specimin was back down to just average (since he had the 4th of July the day before) and there was only 6.2million on Saturday. So in total, I have had 24.8 million sperm inside me looking for 9 eggs! Basically - if I am not pregnant this month, then I am never getting pregnant!
Now I am going to tell you something that probably reflects bad on me - but Hey we are all honest here in blogland!
Since I had so many follicles, I felt so full for about 3 days - it feels like you have a bunch of really big gas bubbles in your abdomen (sp?) and it is kind of crampy.
So the day of the first IUI, he said "you are going to feel some pressure from the speculum"
He inserted the speculum and I was like (not out loud) "Hey, that doesn't feel so bad - it kind of relieves the pressure!" Of course, I didn't tell my doctor that - he would have looked at me like a freak - and on Saturday it went back to being totally uncomfortable - but hey - want to give you the whole experience.
SO....I started progesterone yesterday, I will go for a check at the end of this week, and a blood test around the 23rd or 24th - I will probably take a FRED on the 22nd - so we are just 9 short days away from the results!
As a side note....what the fuck is up with PW????? What a pain in the ass! Have a good one everybody!
Monday, June 06, 2005
cd9 update
went to doc this morning....I have a 13mm and an 11mm on the left side and an 11mm on the right - in addition to alot of small follicles - which is because of the PCOS.
I take two more nights of the 150iu and then go back for sonogram on Wednesday to see if it is time for the shot - If I get the shot on Wednesday, then IUI will be on Thursday and Friday - so I will know if it worked by the 24th of June.
I am so tired of this process...I just can't wait for it to be over - for good or bad - I hope everyone is doing well.
Bye
I take two more nights of the 150iu and then go back for sonogram on Wednesday to see if it is time for the shot - If I get the shot on Wednesday, then IUI will be on Thursday and Friday - so I will know if it worked by the 24th of June.
I am so tired of this process...I just can't wait for it to be over - for good or bad - I hope everyone is doing well.
Bye
Saturday, June 04, 2005
And now....for an update on my follicles
How sad is this....my life so revolves around trying to conceive that the only thing I have to write about is the status of my follicles - could I be any more pathetic?????
So - here is the update.....
I have 3 growing on the left...two are measuring at 9mm and one is at 8mm. I only have one growing well on the right - and she is at 8mm. So we shall see what happens.
I continue at the 150iu tonight and tomorrow and then I go for another sono and blood work on Monday morning. I am so tired....I never get to sleep anymore!!!!
Hopefully this cycle will be coming to a close soon - I will be on cd9 on Monday - I am not sure if that is too early for the shot.....or for them to grow significantly.....I only have enough gonal-f for tonight and tomorrow anyway - so hopefully I don't need to get another script!
well - that is my update - I am leaving work in a few minutes - I have been so busy all day - but really - when am I not busy - I need to hit the Lotto.........Bad!
Have a good one everyone!
So - here is the update.....
I have 3 growing on the left...two are measuring at 9mm and one is at 8mm. I only have one growing well on the right - and she is at 8mm. So we shall see what happens.
I continue at the 150iu tonight and tomorrow and then I go for another sono and blood work on Monday morning. I am so tired....I never get to sleep anymore!!!!
Hopefully this cycle will be coming to a close soon - I will be on cd9 on Monday - I am not sure if that is too early for the shot.....or for them to grow significantly.....I only have enough gonal-f for tonight and tomorrow anyway - so hopefully I don't need to get another script!
well - that is my update - I am leaving work in a few minutes - I have been so busy all day - but really - when am I not busy - I need to hit the Lotto.........Bad!
Have a good one everyone!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Upping my dose
Well, doc just called - they increased my gonal-f dose from 75 to 150 - I have to go back for a sonogram on Saturday!
I hope this does the trick and I have big fat follicles on Saturday - I will only be on cd7 so I am not really sure how that works - if I could get the hcg shot so early. At the 150 level, I will only have enough meds to last me two more days (Saturday and Sunday Night) and then I will be out of the gonal - so many things to think about.
Just think....this time in 3 weeks I will be pregnant! How is that for optimism??????
Hope all is well in blogland - I will try to comment on everyone tonight!
I hope this does the trick and I have big fat follicles on Saturday - I will only be on cd7 so I am not really sure how that works - if I could get the hcg shot so early. At the 150 level, I will only have enough meds to last me two more days (Saturday and Sunday Night) and then I will be out of the gonal - so many things to think about.
Just think....this time in 3 weeks I will be pregnant! How is that for optimism??????
Hope all is well in blogland - I will try to comment on everyone tonight!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Up and Down Day
What an up and down day. Today is Jennie's little boy's funeral....what a horrible thing to have to go through. I can't even imagine how she feels and my thoughts and prayers go out to her.
Chas got her long awaited BFP!!! What exciting news that is....I had such a feeling that she was pg.....but us in the IPP hate giving out false hope so we try to hold back! I pray that she has a long uneventful pregnancy! Way to go Chas!!!
I am still very excited for Heather as well - I can't wait to find out how many beans she has cooking in there!
I hope that Chas and Heather have started an IPP trend!
I started my shots two days ago - the first shot didn't go super smooth - some blood ended up in the vile of meds but my doc said that I could still use it. Last night's shot went much smoother - my husband sure has the hang of it....I think he enjoys sticking me with all the grief I have been giving him since being on the hormones!
I go for my first U/S tomorrow to see how the Gonal-f is working and if I need to increase the dosage. I really hope this medication works - I am praying that 3rd time is a charm....let's keep the IPP pg ball rolling!!!!
I can't wait for Ally to sell her house so I can beat her ass out of her pessimistic streak she has going on!
I finally chatted with Lesley last night (conference with Ally) - it was so good to finally talk to her - it has been so long!!!
My son's allergies were acting up - my husband doesn't believe me that he has allergies - but when cold/cough medicine doesn't stop his cough but Claritan does - um what does that tell you???
God, I am so tired!! Does Gonal-f make you tired???? I feel like I am going to fall asleep at the keyboard!
I hope everyone is doing well - Jamie - I am praying that the damn cyst is gone at your next appointment!
Have a good one everybody!
Chas got her long awaited BFP!!! What exciting news that is....I had such a feeling that she was pg.....but us in the IPP hate giving out false hope so we try to hold back! I pray that she has a long uneventful pregnancy! Way to go Chas!!!
I am still very excited for Heather as well - I can't wait to find out how many beans she has cooking in there!
I hope that Chas and Heather have started an IPP trend!
I started my shots two days ago - the first shot didn't go super smooth - some blood ended up in the vile of meds but my doc said that I could still use it. Last night's shot went much smoother - my husband sure has the hang of it....I think he enjoys sticking me with all the grief I have been giving him since being on the hormones!
I go for my first U/S tomorrow to see how the Gonal-f is working and if I need to increase the dosage. I really hope this medication works - I am praying that 3rd time is a charm....let's keep the IPP pg ball rolling!!!!
I can't wait for Ally to sell her house so I can beat her ass out of her pessimistic streak she has going on!
I finally chatted with Lesley last night (conference with Ally) - it was so good to finally talk to her - it has been so long!!!
My son's allergies were acting up - my husband doesn't believe me that he has allergies - but when cold/cough medicine doesn't stop his cough but Claritan does - um what does that tell you???
God, I am so tired!! Does Gonal-f make you tired???? I feel like I am going to fall asleep at the keyboard!
I hope everyone is doing well - Jamie - I am praying that the damn cyst is gone at your next appointment!
Have a good one everybody!
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Am I crazy????
I must be fucking insane....seriously fucking insane....have the last two years not taught me anything?????
I am sitting here at work analyzing every little twinge because I want my fucking AF to arrive so I can go for my baseline tomorrow and start my injections tomorrow night. I am fucking looking forward to starting the gonal-f because I am optimistic that it will work.
When I first started the IUI process, I told my husband that I wouldn't get pregnant until the 3rd cycle. Then - because I am an asshole - I did a facade.com "yes/no" prediction thing...my questions:
1. Will I be pregnant this cycle? Answer: No
2. Will I get pregnant next cycle? Answer: No
3. Will I get pregnant my 3rd cycle? Answer: yes
So of course, before even CD1 I have my hopes totally up for this cycle....stupid superstitious bullshit...I know it is....and I am cursing myself that I am getting my hopes up again - Jeez before the cycle even starts......What the hell is wrong with me??? Why am I letting myself do this to myself? I must be a total idiot - seriously. But I can't help it...I have this feeling that it is going to work this month.....please, please, please ladies....set me straight.....I don't want to be all fucked up on day 30 when it doesn't come out positive!!!!
Ok - enough ranting for me....I hope everyone has a nice Memorial Day Weekend!
I am sitting here at work analyzing every little twinge because I want my fucking AF to arrive so I can go for my baseline tomorrow and start my injections tomorrow night. I am fucking looking forward to starting the gonal-f because I am optimistic that it will work.
When I first started the IUI process, I told my husband that I wouldn't get pregnant until the 3rd cycle. Then - because I am an asshole - I did a facade.com "yes/no" prediction thing...my questions:
1. Will I be pregnant this cycle? Answer: No
2. Will I get pregnant next cycle? Answer: No
3. Will I get pregnant my 3rd cycle? Answer: yes
So of course, before even CD1 I have my hopes totally up for this cycle....stupid superstitious bullshit...I know it is....and I am cursing myself that I am getting my hopes up again - Jeez before the cycle even starts......What the hell is wrong with me??? Why am I letting myself do this to myself? I must be a total idiot - seriously. But I can't help it...I have this feeling that it is going to work this month.....please, please, please ladies....set me straight.....I don't want to be all fucked up on day 30 when it doesn't come out positive!!!!
Ok - enough ranting for me....I hope everyone has a nice Memorial Day Weekend!
Friday, May 27, 2005
Why?
Usually I can find a reason behind everything. I have always been the person to say "everythign for a reason" but there is no reason for Jennie losing her baby. This is such shit.
Please pray for Jennie, her family and friends. I cannot even imagine what they are going through right now.
Please pray for Jennie, her family and friends. I cannot even imagine what they are going through right now.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Blood Test today
UPDATE: No surprises here - Big Fat Negative. Then to top it off they tried telling me that I couldn't start injectibles this month because of the timing - I wouldn't be able to get the training in time - the Plainview class was filled for tomorrow and the only other person that could train me was not in until Tuesday! They also said that it may take a few days to get pre-certification for the medication. Well ladies, you know me...I wasn't having it.....So basically, I am going to Rockville Center to get the training and I lit a fire underneath the nurse practitioner's ass to get the pre-cert done!
I will admit though that when I was talking about it with my husband - before I made the appointment for the training on Saturday -- I totally broke down..I hate to say it but this whole process is breaking me down. I am not sure how many cycles I will be able to take this for...if the injectibles don't work - I don't think I will be going forward at all. Injectibles will only get one shot I think - and then I have to be done.
Side note: I am on pins and needles waiting to here from Heather - someone needs some good fucking news!
Well, I went for my blood test today - what a waste of $20 - they should call me by 2pm to tell me to stop the Progesterone because I am shit out of luck again this month.
Really tired - had to stop into work this morning because I couldn't connect to my computer from home last night - see what happens when you take work home - you end up having to come in anyway.
Ally - I am so sorry that bitch showed up.
Lesley - I know you are hurting now, but I am glad that you sought help. I look forward to having you back.
Heather - O MY GOD - that is such wonderful wonderful news - I can't wait to hear how the blood tests go!
Jamie - Hope you are hanging in there - give us an update soon
Jess - I miss you! But your funny entries on your blog crack me up.
Chas - Hope you are doing ok - you haven't updated in a couple of days - thinking about you.
Stacia - I really hope you are doing ok - I am still thinking about you.
Heather M - I know the waiting is definately the worst part - I really hope this is your month
Liz - I hope you are feeling better today and that "hope" has found her way back to your house.
Jenna - I hope your counseling session went ok. Please let us know how you are doing.
I hope Jennie is doing ok - Ally please let her know I am thinking of her.
To everyone else that I have missed - I hope that you all get your BFP's soon - I want off that fucking Board! LOL
Have a good day everyone. I will update later to make the negative official. Bye.
I will admit though that when I was talking about it with my husband - before I made the appointment for the training on Saturday -- I totally broke down..I hate to say it but this whole process is breaking me down. I am not sure how many cycles I will be able to take this for...if the injectibles don't work - I don't think I will be going forward at all. Injectibles will only get one shot I think - and then I have to be done.
Side note: I am on pins and needles waiting to here from Heather - someone needs some good fucking news!
Well, I went for my blood test today - what a waste of $20 - they should call me by 2pm to tell me to stop the Progesterone because I am shit out of luck again this month.
Really tired - had to stop into work this morning because I couldn't connect to my computer from home last night - see what happens when you take work home - you end up having to come in anyway.
Ally - I am so sorry that bitch showed up.
Lesley - I know you are hurting now, but I am glad that you sought help. I look forward to having you back.
Heather - O MY GOD - that is such wonderful wonderful news - I can't wait to hear how the blood tests go!
Jamie - Hope you are hanging in there - give us an update soon
Jess - I miss you! But your funny entries on your blog crack me up.
Chas - Hope you are doing ok - you haven't updated in a couple of days - thinking about you.
Stacia - I really hope you are doing ok - I am still thinking about you.
Heather M - I know the waiting is definately the worst part - I really hope this is your month
Liz - I hope you are feeling better today and that "hope" has found her way back to your house.
Jenna - I hope your counseling session went ok. Please let us know how you are doing.
I hope Jennie is doing ok - Ally please let her know I am thinking of her.
To everyone else that I have missed - I hope that you all get your BFP's soon - I want off that fucking Board! LOL
Have a good day everyone. I will update later to make the negative official. Bye.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
As you will note....
I have taken down my ticker - I should have known it wouldn't work - that is what I fucking get for being optimistic. I took a test this morning - a first response early detection - 2 days before AF is due or 12dpo - BFN - a big fat MOCKING Negative - this fucking sucks. I sat on my bed this morning and looked at my husband - when he looked at me I just shook my head - he knew what I meant - "Nope, failed again! My fucking ovaries just aren't cooperating."
So this is it I think - I will be going on injectibles next cycle and if that doesn't work then I am done, finito, caput - I am done with this roller coaster ride - I will need to accept that another baby just isn't in the cards for us and have to believe that there is some plan behind why Joey can't have a brother or sister.
I am so tired today - I am tired of the letdowns, I am tired of the false hope - I am just tired of this whole process. It is like a slap in the face to have to keep using the suppositories right now when I know there is no reason for it - but I have to continue until my blood test on Thursday - another waste of a $20 copay - I hate this.
I pray that Heather gets some good news with her 3 beans - we need some light on the PW board - it is getting so depressing over there.
OK - I am out - I need to work, unfortunately.
So this is it I think - I will be going on injectibles next cycle and if that doesn't work then I am done, finito, caput - I am done with this roller coaster ride - I will need to accept that another baby just isn't in the cards for us and have to believe that there is some plan behind why Joey can't have a brother or sister.
I am so tired today - I am tired of the letdowns, I am tired of the false hope - I am just tired of this whole process. It is like a slap in the face to have to keep using the suppositories right now when I know there is no reason for it - but I have to continue until my blood test on Thursday - another waste of a $20 copay - I hate this.
I pray that Heather gets some good news with her 3 beans - we need some light on the PW board - it is getting so depressing over there.
OK - I am out - I need to work, unfortunately.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Yes, I know there is a ticker
OK - so I am trying to think positive - I put a ticker up - maybe I am jinxing myself - but I have spent over two years telling myself that I wasn't pregnant - so this month I am going to tell myself that I am - maybe if I do everything different this month it will actually happen.
I am sure that I will be back in two weeks to remove the ticker - but I will try anything at this point.
I am sure that I will be back in two weeks to remove the ticker - but I will try anything at this point.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Will you even see this???
Well, I am not sure if anyone will even be able to read this, considering my blog is all SCREWED!
To catch everyone up to date- I have finished my 2nd IUI cycle - I am now in the two week wait - I had one IUI on Thursday and another on Friday - I was a little crampier this cycle than last but I guess that makes up for how well I did on the increased Clomid dose - well mentally anyway - I still only produced one good follicle with the 100mg.
If this dose doesn't work than it is on to the injectibles for our final (or at least that is what I am saying right now)IUI cycle. I won't be moving on to IVF - it is just too expensive without a guarantee that it will work - I haven't inquired -but I am pretty sure that Vytra won't cover IVF- most insurances don't. It is a scary thought to think that I may be giving up this quest in another month - I am just praying that it works so I don't have to go through giving this up - I know it will be hard to accept but two and a half years, one miscarriage and 3 IUI's - I think it is time for me to throw in the towel. If I did not have Joey, I am sure I would feel different - but I have had the experience - I know what it is like to look into the eyes of my child - so I think if a 2nd baby is not in the cards for me - well then I will be ok - my son continues to amaze me every day - he is an incredible kid - I got so lucky!
Speaking of Joey - he is in the "why" phase now - which is driving me CRAZY - a simple question can last 15 minutes because everything is "but why?" I knew this stage was coming - and I was dreading it - it is as bad as I thought it would be!
He is also really starting to test the boundaries - he has thrown 3 temper tantrums in the last 3 weeks - which is NOT like my son - I had to take him out of McDonalds and out of circle time at Mommy and Me because of it - totally out of character for him - and I hope he gets it out of his system REAL quick - because it doesn't work at getting him what he wants!
I have to go to a shower for a 17 year old tomorrow -- any idea why I can't muster up the enthusiasm (sp?) for this party?
I saw my friend last night - we had dinner - she is also trying to get pg - has been working on it for about 10 months now - I think I am going to give her my monitor - I am not using it. She is awesome - so funny - I worked with her about 7 years ago in a pizzeria - we went a few years with only talking once in a while and then about 5 months ago we decided to make a point of meeting for dinner at least once a month - and we have been sticking to it - we missed April because it was really crazy - but we have been good. I think it is important to work on the few friendships I do have.
I hope everyone is doing well, it seems as if everyone has been pretty quiet lately.
Lesley - I know it seems frustrating for you but I am keeping the faith for you.
Ally - You better be pg this month - I hope your trip to San Antonio went ok.
Jess - Glad to have you back TTC! Good luck!
Chas - I was going to respond to your blog - but I am still thinking my advice over since it is such a delicate situation.
Jamie - It sounds like you are having a rough time - you are almost done re-setting and I can't wait to hear about how well the BCP worked for you!
Heather - Good luck with the transfer on Sunday - I will be thinking about you and praying for you!
Jenna - I know it is hard when it feels like noone remembers or understands about m/c - and unless they have experienced it they don't - try to stay positive - I'm thinking about you.
Heather M - Have you thought about going to Classmates.com to see about getting in touch with that friend? I didn't go to my 10 year - not enough time passed as far as I was concerned.
For Everyone else I am forgetting - I hope you all have a great day - good luck with the 2WW or the Ovulation Wait or the Baby dancing or the Cyst skrinage - whatever the case -
To catch everyone up to date- I have finished my 2nd IUI cycle - I am now in the two week wait - I had one IUI on Thursday and another on Friday - I was a little crampier this cycle than last but I guess that makes up for how well I did on the increased Clomid dose - well mentally anyway - I still only produced one good follicle with the 100mg.
If this dose doesn't work than it is on to the injectibles for our final (or at least that is what I am saying right now)IUI cycle. I won't be moving on to IVF - it is just too expensive without a guarantee that it will work - I haven't inquired -but I am pretty sure that Vytra won't cover IVF- most insurances don't. It is a scary thought to think that I may be giving up this quest in another month - I am just praying that it works so I don't have to go through giving this up - I know it will be hard to accept but two and a half years, one miscarriage and 3 IUI's - I think it is time for me to throw in the towel. If I did not have Joey, I am sure I would feel different - but I have had the experience - I know what it is like to look into the eyes of my child - so I think if a 2nd baby is not in the cards for me - well then I will be ok - my son continues to amaze me every day - he is an incredible kid - I got so lucky!
Speaking of Joey - he is in the "why" phase now - which is driving me CRAZY - a simple question can last 15 minutes because everything is "but why?" I knew this stage was coming - and I was dreading it - it is as bad as I thought it would be!
He is also really starting to test the boundaries - he has thrown 3 temper tantrums in the last 3 weeks - which is NOT like my son - I had to take him out of McDonalds and out of circle time at Mommy and Me because of it - totally out of character for him - and I hope he gets it out of his system REAL quick - because it doesn't work at getting him what he wants!
I have to go to a shower for a 17 year old tomorrow -- any idea why I can't muster up the enthusiasm (sp?) for this party?
I saw my friend last night - we had dinner - she is also trying to get pg - has been working on it for about 10 months now - I think I am going to give her my monitor - I am not using it. She is awesome - so funny - I worked with her about 7 years ago in a pizzeria - we went a few years with only talking once in a while and then about 5 months ago we decided to make a point of meeting for dinner at least once a month - and we have been sticking to it - we missed April because it was really crazy - but we have been good. I think it is important to work on the few friendships I do have.
I hope everyone is doing well, it seems as if everyone has been pretty quiet lately.
Lesley - I know it seems frustrating for you but I am keeping the faith for you.
Ally - You better be pg this month - I hope your trip to San Antonio went ok.
Jess - Glad to have you back TTC! Good luck!
Chas - I was going to respond to your blog - but I am still thinking my advice over since it is such a delicate situation.
Jamie - It sounds like you are having a rough time - you are almost done re-setting and I can't wait to hear about how well the BCP worked for you!
Heather - Good luck with the transfer on Sunday - I will be thinking about you and praying for you!
Jenna - I know it is hard when it feels like noone remembers or understands about m/c - and unless they have experienced it they don't - try to stay positive - I'm thinking about you.
Heather M - Have you thought about going to Classmates.com to see about getting in touch with that friend? I didn't go to my 10 year - not enough time passed as far as I was concerned.
For Everyone else I am forgetting - I hope you all have a great day - good luck with the 2WW or the Ovulation Wait or the Baby dancing or the Cyst skrinage - whatever the case -
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
The party was fabulous
Well, the party was really fantastic! Samantha looked beautiful and everyone had a great time - her candle ceremony was really great and she wrote a lot of wonderful speeches for everyone - she is really talented that one - in so many things - she is becoming such a gorgeous young woman and I am so proud of her!
My mother's day was uneventful - we went to lunch at OKIE DOKIES and then visited with my mom. We had bar-b-que at my sis-in-laws house. Joe pre-ordered Star Wars tickets for me - we are going on Saturday the 21st!
I know that doesn't sound like a big deal - but it is a nice gesture considering he has absolutely no desire to see the movie! We will probably go to dinner before hand - my brother will watch the little man.
Last night I had to take my niece and nephew to their concert - I am sorry - but there is nothing worse then sitting through a 6th grade concert!! Their band played really well though - but the orchestra band sounded like Cats in Heat! It was terrible - and I know I am a terrible person for saying so!
ON the TTC front - I am on CD12 - yesterday my lining was thin and my doc was talking about possibly having to skip this cycle and go on a different medication next month - well, thankfully, I went back this morning and my lining is triple A, measuring at 7 - so we will be able to do IUI this cycle!
The doc will call with my blood results - if my blood shows a surge than IUI will be tomorrow - if no surge then I will get the shot tomorrow morning and IUI on Thursday - God I hope it works this cycle - I am getting so anxious to be pregnant!
OK - well I think that is all for the update! Have a good day!
My mother's day was uneventful - we went to lunch at OKIE DOKIES and then visited with my mom. We had bar-b-que at my sis-in-laws house. Joe pre-ordered Star Wars tickets for me - we are going on Saturday the 21st!
I know that doesn't sound like a big deal - but it is a nice gesture considering he has absolutely no desire to see the movie! We will probably go to dinner before hand - my brother will watch the little man.
Last night I had to take my niece and nephew to their concert - I am sorry - but there is nothing worse then sitting through a 6th grade concert!! Their band played really well though - but the orchestra band sounded like Cats in Heat! It was terrible - and I know I am a terrible person for saying so!
ON the TTC front - I am on CD12 - yesterday my lining was thin and my doc was talking about possibly having to skip this cycle and go on a different medication next month - well, thankfully, I went back this morning and my lining is triple A, measuring at 7 - so we will be able to do IUI this cycle!
The doc will call with my blood results - if my blood shows a surge than IUI will be tomorrow - if no surge then I will get the shot tomorrow morning and IUI on Thursday - God I hope it works this cycle - I am getting so anxious to be pregnant!
OK - well I think that is all for the update! Have a good day!
Friday, May 06, 2005
CD 8
Well, it is cycle day 8 - took my last Clomid dose last night - I have to say - symptoms this month aren't as bad as last month - I am not as tired (maybe b/c of the prenatals I have been taking), I only had 2 hot flashes so far and my mood has been pretty even (which DH is SOOO thankful about).
I have a busy weekend planned so I probably won't be online too often. Tomorrow is my niece's sweet 16...for those of you that didn't see it back in February...here is her dress:
(Sammy is way cuter though!)
Anyway, after work today I will be going to my sister's house and helping with last minute details - then I have to go buy something for myself to wear (yes, I have something I can wear - but I want something new!)
Tomorrow at 12:30 we meet at the hall to decorate - my husband has to pick up the food at 6 and then the party starts at 7.
Sunday is mother's day - I don't know what DH has planned - but I am sure I will be busy.
My husband still didn't get his results - he was supposed to go yesterday - but he called and re-scheduled for MOnday because he was in the middle of 3 different jobs and he didn't want to leave - because you know, a heart problem isn't a serious thing at all - done arguing about it!
So that is that - I hope everyone is doing well and I hope to talk to you all soon!
I have a busy weekend planned so I probably won't be online too often. Tomorrow is my niece's sweet 16...for those of you that didn't see it back in February...here is her dress:
(Sammy is way cuter though!)
Anyway, after work today I will be going to my sister's house and helping with last minute details - then I have to go buy something for myself to wear (yes, I have something I can wear - but I want something new!)
Tomorrow at 12:30 we meet at the hall to decorate - my husband has to pick up the food at 6 and then the party starts at 7.
Sunday is mother's day - I don't know what DH has planned - but I am sure I will be busy.
My husband still didn't get his results - he was supposed to go yesterday - but he called and re-scheduled for MOnday because he was in the middle of 3 different jobs and he didn't want to leave - because you know, a heart problem isn't a serious thing at all - done arguing about it!
So that is that - I hope everyone is doing well and I hope to talk to you all soon!
Sunday, May 01, 2005
CD 3
Went to doc this morning for initial cycle bloodwork and base line U/S.
Turns out....they are doubling my clomid - started 100mg a night - my husband is screwed - does this mean I will be a Double Bitch? I might get pregnant after all this - but I may also get divorced.
That's pretty much it - the cycle begins again.....stay tuned
Turns out....they are doubling my clomid - started 100mg a night - my husband is screwed - does this mean I will be a Double Bitch? I might get pregnant after all this - but I may also get divorced.
That's pretty much it - the cycle begins again.....stay tuned
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